‘My wife caught me watching gay porn’

Local News: Rutland local James Carrefour was caught watching gay porn on the home computer yesterday and maintains there was only one thing he could do about it.

Carrefour, 41, an electrical engineer, was home alone yesterday afternoon and failed to hear his wife return early from work – so absorbed was he in the gay porn he was watching on their Dell Inspiron 560.

“I didn’t even hear her open the living room door to be honest,” Carrefour admits. “The first time I realised she was there was when I heard her utter a rather unattractive expletive.”

Carrefour says he was caught “quite literally red-handed” and that given the circumstance, he only had one option.

“I turned the tables on the situation,” he says, “and got angry with her.”

“‘What the hell is this filth doing on our computer?’ I shouted, to which she replied ‘why have you got your penis out?’, to which I replied ‘what the hell has my penis got to do with it? You racist.’”

“She was silenced. Then, in an orderly fashion, I changed the screen to the BBC’s homepage and began searching for items about the Labour Party conference. My wife left the room. Victory was mine – or so I thought until I heard her shouting and packing things in the bedroom. I went in.”

“‘Your penis is still out,’ she noted. ‘I knew it,’ I replied, with a hint of triumph, ‘you’re a racist’. It was a masterstroke. The conversation was over.”

“Even now, when she has already started formal divorce proceedings, the fact remains that she thought she had caught me doing something which gave her the upper hand – yet, by virtue of my quick thinking, I don’t think anyone can be in any doubt who the real winner is.”

Story: Jasper Gibson