x - App Friendly

Jedward tries to eat itself

Squeaky two-headed leprechaun of British pop, Jedward, tried to eat itself yesterday during filming for its follow-up documentary to ITV’s ‘Jedward:Let Loose’, provisionally entitled ‘Jedward 2: Don King’s Toothbrush’.

Horrified teenagers in the live studio audience screamed then texted those screams to other teenagers as one of the Jedward heads went ‘headward Jedward’ and tried to bite of the other Jedward head in an act of self-cannibalism rarely seen amongst Jedwards in captivity.

Normally it happens in the wild,” says Jedward expert Colin Bath, “and then only in the winter months when the food has run out, they have consumed their young and there’s nothing to eat but bark and pebbles.”

 “Jedward was obviously a bit peckish,” says Jedward spokesperson Jilly McRocker, “and it mistakenly mistook itself for something to eat. It is now recovering in hospital. Though Jedward’s injuries are severe, they in no way prevent it from getting back on its feet and singing and dancing – no matter how much sedation it is put under.”