Lightning video clip causes ‘catastrophic humility’

A video clip, showing the slow-motion spread of lightning across the storm-ripped sky, has been causing devastating moments of introspection across the world.

David Ballsop, 42, a cardiologist, became paralysed mid-surgery, no longer believing he could trust his senses when his own eyes were incapable of seeing such beauty.

Meanwhile, Syliva Pattern, 38, caused a huge amount of tutting at a cash machine, as the inadequacy of the human system to deal with the facts presented to it caused her to get her PIN wrong twice.

Perhaps the most catastrophic example of unaccustomed humility was Michael Gronda, 27, a city trader, who was expecting the emailed video link to send him to another Peckham Terminator, or maybe another black guy getting punched by a mentally ill tramp on a bus – anything to remind himself that the people outside of his immediate dealings were disgusting sub-humans, to be pitied or despised.

What Gronda saw briefly crippled the movement of pork bellies in his region.

“For twenty seconds, I felt my indifference to humanity reflected back at me: here was something that didn’t care who I was, that I could never change. For all too brief a second, I felt like I’d been given my cosmic co-ordinates, and the meaningless near-infinite scale of the numbers involved dwarfed the suddenly-pitiful stream of electronic pinpricks flying around the trading floor.”

He was immediately sacked. “Not because of the money,” explained his tradings company Jetpack & Decker.

“We sweat, piss, and shit billions into a sweaty shit-piss cocktail, that we use to snort and gargle. Gronda was fired because he failed to maintain a complete absence of introspection and humility.

For a treacherous second, he saw us not as an elite who make an essential difference and who deserve reward beyond all logic, but as meaningless parasites operating within an arcane and irrational system.”

Gronda, a millionaire many times over at 23, has dedicated his new life to controlling lightning, a power that he will use to build a flying mechanical suit of armour that he will use to destroy Jetpack & Decker, and finally defeat Spiderman.