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How do celebrities revive their careers?

TV News: In a task traditionally left to their agents and someone with common sense, more and more celebrities are turning to internet graphics to help them make career decisions.

This Celebrity Decisionator, leaked to The Poke, shows just how tough the path back from obscurity can be – will it be Strictly? Or Ant or Dec or Ant?

The choice is particuarly torturous for celebrities without careers at all – no spot on local radio, no panto, nothing – as i) they typically have no agents to make these decisions for them and ii) they have a lot of free time on their hands.

Free time means introspection, and that can lead to spiralling existential panic and a complete inability to reach profitable conclusions.

That’s where a Decisionator can really help.

Said one insider, “Celebrities have it tough. One day you can’t buy a Twix without being hassled for a photo, the next thing you know you can’t even get a job in Snappy Snaps. Thankfully the existence of the Reality TV Decisionator means that any faded star looking to make a comeback through prime-time humiliation can gaze fitfully at a graphic on the web before making a choice that they pin their hopes, dreams and what little they have left of their life on.”