Christmas Slanguage

Christmas News: What with all the drink and the weird cousins and the over-eating, people hardly mean what they say at Christmas. So to help you guide through the minefield of innuendo, doublespeak and code, here’s our guide to some Christmas slanguage you may come across or need to employ. With thanks to the Poke Army for these slanguage beauties! Happy Christmas!


A bad wrapper

Fativity Play.

Put on a silly hat, stuff your face, act like a c**t


When you’ve had more than a bellyfull of your own family

Reindeer Milk.

A pint of  Baileys

The Brussel Sprout.

An unpopular guest at the table, normally a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Silent Fight.

Surreptitious argument with a spouse on Christmas day under the noses of the In Laws.via @Johnny_Two_Dogs

Thrift Box.

Festively packaged box of shit, grabbed in a last minute desperate frenzy to fulfil seasonal obligations via @alienonline

Mullered Whine.

The Christmas morning moan of someone who overdid the festivities on Christmas Eve via @jimmykonty

Smile Trial.

A test of outward grace and gratitude when receiving a terrifying jumper from the mother-in-law. @jimmykonty

Ding Dong Merrily, They’re High.

Inevitable alcohol-fueled punch-up at the Xmas office party. via @jimmykonty

Christmas Cluedo.

To use stealth and elimination skills to identify everyone’s Secret Santa before the giving. @alienonline

Holly & Ivy.

Christmas Hookers. via @abbiehas

Deck the Halls.

Fisticuffs with Mr &Mrs Hall. via @andybwhittle

Pizza Request.

Deep-Pan crisp and even… via @andybwhittle

The Santa Clause.

Use it to sue your parents when you don’t get the presents you want via @karatepam


(Last Asleep Washes Up) race for after dinner snooze to avoid chores via @loop_deletion

Santa’s Sack.

P45 given to seasonal workers on 26th December via @karatepam


Coalition Xmas fare for students. “Roasting Cleggnuts on an open fire.” via @rjdgill


The fake joy one shows when opening a packet of hankies from Grandma. via @saraharah


The office drunk whose nose always gets redder at xmas via @dpknowles