Christmas Slanguage
Christmas News: What with all the drink and the weird cousins and the over-eating, people hardly mean what they say at Christmas. So to help you guide through the minefield of innuendo, doublespeak and code, here’s our guide to some Christmas slanguage you may come across or need to employ. With thanks to the Poke Army for these slanguage beauties! Happy Christmas!
Coolio.
A bad wrapper
Fativity Play.
Put on a silly hat, stuff your face, act like a c**t
Kindigestion.
When you’ve had more than a bellyfull of your own family
Reindeer Milk.
A pint of Baileys
The Brussel Sprout.
An unpopular guest at the table, normally a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Silent Fight.
Surreptitious argument with a spouse on Christmas day under the noses of the In Laws.via @Johnny_Two_Dogs
Thrift Box.
Festively packaged box of shit, grabbed in a last minute desperate frenzy to fulfil seasonal obligations via @alienonline
Mullered Whine.
The Christmas morning moan of someone who overdid the festivities on Christmas Eve via @jimmykonty
Smile Trial.
A test of outward grace and gratitude when receiving a terrifying jumper from the mother-in-law. @jimmykonty
Ding Dong Merrily, They’re High.
Inevitable alcohol-fueled punch-up at the Xmas office party. via @jimmykonty
Christmas Cluedo.
To use stealth and elimination skills to identify everyone’s Secret Santa before the giving. @alienonline
Holly & Ivy.
Christmas Hookers. via @abbiehas
Deck the Halls.
Fisticuffs with Mr &Mrs Hall. via @andybwhittle
Pizza Request.
Deep-Pan crisp and even… via @andybwhittle
The Santa Clause.
Use it to sue your parents when you don’t get the presents you want via @karatepam
L.A.W.U.
(Last Asleep Washes Up) race for after dinner snooze to avoid chores via @loop_deletion
Santa’s Sack.
P45 given to seasonal workers on 26th December via @karatepam
Cleggnuts.
Coalition Xmas fare for students. “Roasting Cleggnuts on an open fire.” via @rjdgill
Foy.
The fake joy one shows when opening a packet of hankies from Grandma. via @saraharah
Rudolph.
The office drunk whose nose always gets redder at xmas via @dpknowles