Manchester to close in April

UK News: The city of Manchester is to close in April, with all public and private buildings shut down before being broken up and sold for scrap.

Manchester City Council confirmed today that leisure centres, libraries, public toilets – indeed all public buildings and infrastructure – will close as part of a coordinated plan to cut the budget in it’s entirety, ensuring ‘huge savings’ in the next financial year.

Private property will be acquired using compulsory purchase orders, allowing Manchester to be officially closed down ‘in time for Easter’.

Labour councillors said today that shutting down the whole city was nothing to do with ‘sticking two fingers up at the government’, and nor was it a cynical move by a Labour council to deliberately cut front-line services and play politics with people lives. It was, they insisted, ‘about making a sensible decision to impose the necessary savings.

“We have to take the positives from this,” said Councillor John Trent today. “Yes, it is true that there will no more police in Manchester. But crime will also drop drastically as nor will there be any criminals.”

Similarly, levels of vulnerable children, the disabled and elderly in care will all fall by around 100%. Manchester is the fourth most deprived local authority area in the country and we are confident that it will soon lose that unfortunate moniker by not existing.”

>> Now visit our Graffiti Exhibition