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Harry Potter on heroin: new book on Wikileaks

Publishing News: The elation of Harry Potter fans after yesterday’s announcement that there is to be a new book in the series may prove to be short-lived, following the appearance of certain sections on the Wikileaks website.

Harry potter and the pit of despair

Entitled ‘Harry Potter and the Pit of Despair’, this book takes a much darker turn than the usual fans may welcome, and there is already an outcry from parent’s groups that it is a ‘downright betrayal’ and ‘wholly unsuitable for children’.

Set against the backdrop of a declining Britain, a coalition of evil forces has bewitched muggle and wizard alike that despite their wake of destruction, everyone is living in a ‘big, happy, society’.

Unable to find work like most of his classmates, a disillusioned Potter slips into heroin addiction, exchanging his trademark spectacles for a ten bag of smack before overdosing in a Brixton squat.

One of the leaked passages depicts Harry vainly attempting some of his magic spells as he tries to impress a drug dealer into giving him another hit. His magic, however, has deserted him and the sneering drug pusher can only shake his head. ‘You’re not magic, Potter,’ he says. ‘You’re tragic’.

Perhaps the most controversial scene of all sees a desperate Harry performing tawdry sex acts on a Japanese businessman with his not-so-magic wand.

Though the final chapters have not been leaked, the internet abounds with rumours of Potter slipping into badly-funded psychiatric care, where the administering of incorrect medication by over-worked staff leaves him in a vegetative state.

J.K. Rowling has refused to comment, while today her publisher’s Bloomsbury rushed to limit the damage.

It is not true that he mistakenly eats his own vomit,” said spokeswoman Anna McCoy. “That is simply incorrect. It is someone else’s vomit and it’s all part of a friendly game of Dare.”