Andrew Lansley’s Blue Peter badge ‘to be revoked’

UK News: Blue Peter supremos today announced that Andrew Lansley is being, ‘stripped of his badge’ for continually behaving in a manner ‘contrary to the spirit of the award’ – raising serious doubts about his ability to continue as Secretary of State for Health.

The young Lansley won his prestigious badge in the 1968 Blue Peter competition: ‘What would you change about your mum and dad?’

In the white paper he submitted to the show’s producers, titled ‘Liberating my parents,’ he called for the, “introduction of competition into my family by requiring my mum and dad to tender bids to be providers of parental love.”

When pressed for a reaction, Andrew Lansley admitted: “losing contact with my lazy inefficient biological parents in 1968 was a small price to pay for creating a leaner, fitter, less wasteful Lansley family. But losing my badge has torn my heart out, literally.”

Lansley is currently in an unnamed private hospital receiving emergency surgery to implant a new heart donated by an anonymous corporation or Care UK.