How to behave in the park

Park News: In true rural areas you know if you’ve done something wrong when you get chased by a red-faced yokel – but how do you know if you’re following the rules of the urban countryside? Thankfully, after a lengthy consultation period the Government has now produced a new colorful and informative leaflet, advising on the ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’ of urban green spaces.

The new leaflet was launched today by Caroline Spelman, the Secretary of State for Environment.

Spelman explained, “From a gentle stroll or a picnic amongst dried dog muck, to a long-distance walk during a bus strike or heart-pumping adventure after being pursed by muggers, the urban countryside provides every opportunity for enjoyment and relaxation.”

“This is just the kind of thing city-dwellers need” added London Mayor Boris Johnson.

“For too long the previous government wasted money on countryside guides when we all know that people from the countryside can’t read. I even heard some of them think they’ll die if they go on a train. Plus, they’re allergic to milk. Or is that the Chinese?”