US to to airlift all Barbie, Simpsons toys out of Iran

Toy News: US President Barack Obama has signed an executive order to airlift all remaining Barbie and Simpsons toys out of Iran, with immediate effect.

It is widely believed that US Navy SEAL teams are already on the ground in various cities across Iran, emptying toy shop shelves of the dolls so they can be taken across the border to Iraq and flown back to safety as soon as possible.

The withdrawal of the toys is just the latest in a series of sanctions designed to deter Iran from developing nuclear weapons.

“They don’t play ball, they don’t get no goddam Barbies or Barts,” said Pentagon spokesman General Chad W. Brohammer III. “And that shit goes for Syria too. And those other countries.”

“They want nukes, then they don’t get no Barbie Charm School Castle, no Simpsons High School Prom playset – they sure as hell don’t get no goddam Spiderpig plush toys. All that shit is gone for good. Their kids can go back to picking sand out of their dicks and kicking rats around.”

The US State Department has said Iran will be allowed to keep ‘most’ of the stock of Ken dolls they already have, but that no further shipments will be made.

Reports that China has offered to fill the void with an ample supply of counterfeit ‘Babbie’ dolls and ‘Sampsons’ figures remain unconfirmed

Story+Image: Simon Swatman