Mattress Looking Forward To New Life On Pavement

Housing News: A mattress is keen to explore its new neighbourhood after being dumped on a pavement round the corner from its former home.

“Breathe it in!” said the mattress. “The fresh air here is amazing. And the quality of light outside on the pavement is quite remarkable. It almost makes me want to take up watercolours.”

The mattress says that since it moved, it has enjoyed adventures that range from being kicked by children to an unexpected sexual encounter with a dog.

And despite being replaced by a younger, firmer model, the mattress says it harbours no ill feelings towards its successor.

“To be honest, it’s them I feel sorry for. Out here I feel truly alive and part of the world – I wouldn’t want to go back to the confines of that dusty old bedroom. Plus, the man of the house has bladder issues when he’s been drinking.”