26 Wildly Inappropriate Christmas Gifts For Children

At this time of year you need to make some tricky decisions when it comes to spending your money. No, we don’t mean flipping a coin to see if you can afford to put the heating on (newsflash- you can’t). We’re actually talking about something even more stressful: choosing what to buy the kids for Christmas.

To save you time, @Hilary_W has put together this handy guide to what not to buy them. Unless you want to be investigated by Operation Yewtree that is.

1. “Don’t open until Christmas. Or ever.” (via)

2. “Buzz? What are you doing? Buzz. Stop.” (via)

3. Because all teenage girls want a pair of giant snowman boobs for Christmas. (via)

4. “Frosty the proctologist snowman/ Was a jolly happy soul.” (via)

5. This ‘racing’ game makes an ideal gift for the Nazi Youth member in your life. (via)

6. Nothing says Christmas quite like…grenades. (via)

7. Prepare your son for a lucrative future career with this baby pimp costume. (via)

8. …and prepare your daughter for her future career with this. (via)


9. Ruin Christmas for everyone by dressing your baby in this nipple tassel t-shirt (ages 0-5). (via)


10. “Dora the Womb Explorer.” (via)

11. Your childhood ruined in 3…2…1… (via)

12. “Why are you taking my baby into care? I don’t understand.” (via)

13. It doesn’t look like a finger. (via)

14. Pull Along Tit and Pull Along Ass are just out of shot. (via)

15. The Lion King: Upsetting 3D Edition. (via)

16. It’s even worse when you realise that the fingers belong to The Hulk. (via)

17. “Merry Christmas Kayleigh, love from Grandma.” (via)

18. Train your kids to be homeless alcoholics with this child friendly lager. (via)

19. Whatever you do, DON’T squeeze his legs. (via)

20. Wills and Kate are going to dress Prince George in this for his first Christmas photoshoot. (via)

21. Weird late 90s stripper shoes not included. (via)

22. “Fun Up & Fun Down! Take it Any Where!” (via)

23. For daddy’s little squirt. (via)

24. Despite an intensive breeding programme, the cock-nosed elephant is now extinct in the wild (via)

25. “A bag of chewy dick-lighthouses? Thanks mum!” (via)

26. “Fits ages 7 to 12.” – No. (via)