Angela Merkel reveals ‘one in one out’ migrant policy was “inspired by nightclub rules”

The German chancellor says she took inspiration from nightclubs and will now operate a ‘one in one out’ rule for migrants, as well as enforcing a strict dress code and a happy hour.

“I was watching an old episode of Hale and Pace when suddenly it hit me – treat the EU like a 1980’s nightclub,” said Merkel.

“A strict one in one out policy, a smart/casual dress code, no loitering in the toilets and absolutely no drinking on the dancefloor. The new EU door policy will be a clear set of rules that anybody can understand, compared to what we have now. Plus there will be a happy hour every night and two for one offers on bottles of WKD.”

If the plan succeeds, Merkel says she plans to implement other policies inspired by TV shows from the eighties.

“I also think a high-tech super stealth helicopter like Airwolf could make a huge difference in EU border control.”

“I’m also a massive fan of Manimal, not because I think that would help with the refugee crisis, it’s just that a guy who can shapeshift into a bunch of different animals is really cool.”