Rooney faces takeover by American consortium

There was a rollercoaster of emotions today for fans of Wayne Rooney after speculation that he is to leave United.

Though management remain tight-lipped, The Poke can exclusively reveal that the current instability is due to an American consortium planning an aggressive takeover of the Liverpudlian institution.

Rooney, a former powerhouse of domestic and European football, has slipped far behind rivals and an urgent cash injection is clearly required if he is to keep pace.

However, his Scottish current owner is refusing to give up without a fight and “will try every trick in the book” to retain control of Rooney.

City analysts believe that Rooney will never be able to compete with the top names in European football while he stays at his current home, a 74-bedroom Lego hellhole in Alderley Edge, and consorts with cut-price prostitutes.

“When you take a Ronaldo or a Drogba, they are in 100- or 120-bedroom mansions,” said one expert. “Rooney simply cannot generate the same revenue without relocation.”

Rooney supporters have banded together in a ‘Spirit Of Rothmans’ pressure group urging FergusonHoldings to “set Wayne Rooney free”.

“All we’ve ever wanted as supporters of Wayne Rooney is to see him play football,” said a spokesman. “And all Wayne Rooney has ever wanted to do is to play football – other than smoke, swear, make money and sleep with hookers, obviously.”