‘I’m a Celebrity…please don’t waterboard me!’

TV NEWS: This years’ contest hasn’t even started and already ITV’s top-rated show is mired in controversy.  Previous contestants have had to eat goats’ testicles, put their heads in a perspex box full of spiders and touch Kerry Katona.

But this year’s show, containing Shaun Ryder, Nigel Havers and Rosemary West, will feature a brand new form of torture – waterboarding.


The practice of hanging prisoners upside down, gagging them, binding their faces in Clingfilm and pouring water over them to simulate watching celebrity reality shows is banned by countries that are signatory to United Nations Convention against Torture.  However, ITV claim that it’s just ‘harmless family entertainment’.

‘Ant and I regularly subject each other to sleep deprivation and other forms of psychological terror,’ said Declan Donnelly at a recent press conference, ‘especially now the Wii adverts are off the air.  We’ve nothing else to do.’

The new contestants, who include Sheryl Gascoigne, Britt Eckland and Professor Stephen Hawking, have not commented so far, although it is well-known that Lembit Opik has spoken lovingly of the practice of waterboarding and described it as part of the foreplay technique he uses on identical twin one-hit wonders.

Reports that George Bush will make a suprise appearance on the show to promote his new book remain unconfirmed.

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