Social Media r/MurderedByWords

A barrister’s reaction to a wild story of a drunken proposal is an all-time great ‘murder by words’

Oonagh Keating. Updated April 5th, 2024

On Reddit’s r/MurderedByWords, u/Cockonut84 has reposted an exchange from five years ago on r/LegalAdviceUK.

It might just be an all-time great of the genre. Check out the post that triggered the ‘murder’.

I'm seeing someone else, wanted to break up with her. I bought the ring for a work colleague, wasn't planning to propose until the holiday we planned. During new year's eve, I proposed to my girlfriend. It's been posted on my friends Snapchat, my girlfriends Facebook page, everywhere. I saw people proposing so I wanted to go with the flow and proposed to my girlfriend whilst partially pissed. Can I get the ring back and cancel the engagement please?

And here’s how criminal barrister u/AR-Legal gave them advice that was both legal and personal. Very personal …and very funny.

Not been bothering with Reddit over Xmas; but it’s nice to come back to an early nominee for “stupidest post of the year”, especially so early on. Let me check I’ve got this straight: You were planning on proposing to a work colleague when you go on holiday, despite the fact you are still seeing someone you class as your girlfriend. However, in a twist of fate, you took that engagement ring out with you on New Years Eve. Either that, or you took the wrong girlfriend out. Either way, mistakes were made. Those mistakes were compounded when you got caught up in the heat of other people’s affection, and proposed to your (wrong) girlfriend. And now, you want legal advice on whether you can get the ring back, so you don’t have to buy another ring and can instead give your intended fiancée your accidental fiancées’ ring.

Well, from a legal perspective you’re shit out of luck because a gift is a gift, even when given by a moron. However, there is a solution: tell your (current/accidental) fiancée about the mistake. Honesty may actually be your best policy here, because I suspect that the realisation that you are such an utter fungus of a person will lead her to take the ring off and fling it. If you’re lucky, you may be able to find it and then can give your ex-fiancée’s sloppy seconds to your bit on the side. And what a lucky girl she will be!

Thoroughly brutal – and fully deserved. Redditors loved it.

I’m partial to the UK specialty of understatement, exemplified here by ‘Either way, mistakes were made’. Very funny.
brandolinium

That was, without a doubt, one of the top 5 burns I’ve ever read here on Reddit. Holds up solid after more than 5 years.
DCHammer69

So, being shit faced is not considered a legal defence? I know someone who needs to hear this from a lawyer.
Monodilemma

The British have discovered that you can call someone “An utter _____ ” or “An absolute _____” and insert almost any noun and it becomes a potent insult.
kms2547

Well that’s it isn’t it? British insults are the best insults in all the lands. Fact.
DichotomousView

Stop hitting him, he’s already dead.
RolandSmoke

This entire scenario is one hell of a train ride.
HybridPhoenixKing

I’ve never seen what a direct hit from a torpedo looks like, but I bet the feeling is about the same as this.
ScubaGSO

The barrister responsible for the public mauling returned to the scene of the crime.

Let’s be fair here, that’s actually sound advice too.
Leonidas Vaarwater

Thank you. I tried to be thorough.
AR-Legal

An honor to see the original quipper here!
badchefrazzy

The pleasure is mine.
AR-Legal

In that case, let me tell you how much I loved “utter fungus of a person”.
The_pretender_nz

Who was the barrister, fucking Rob Rinder?
PlantAlternative6198

I am not quite that flamboyant, but I welcome the comparison.
AR-Legal

CalmingGoatLupe had these words of wisdom.

Neither of the women is the wrong girlfriend. He’s just the wrong boyfriend.

There was an update from the absolute fungus.

“I’ve had a long and hard think to myself, I decided to hand in my 4 week notice to my boss and start afresh.

I think it’s best my girlfriend doesn’t find out about the affair I’ve been having so I’ve spoke to my colleague and told her I’m not going on holiday with her and I’ve ended it with her.

I’ve known my girlfriend longer and my mum gave me a call saying she’s happy and she’s always wanted grandchildren and what not so I didn’t want to disappoint my mum.

I’m going to marry my girlfriend. She already planned out the wedding venue on her MacBook, she hid it from me, so I didn’t want to upset her.

Genuinely I feel bad if I were to break up with her, she’s been buzzing all day calling all her friends saying she’s getting married and taking photos of her ring etc.

I think it’s the right thing to do. Just worried that my colleague will somehow get a hold of my girlfriend and tell her about the times we’ve slept together. That’s my final decision and I think I’ll stick to that.”

We can see no way that any of that could blow up in his face.

via GIPHY

If you’d like to read the other reactions to the original post, you can do that here.

READ MORE

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Source r/LegalAdviceUK H/T r/MurderByWords Image Scottwebb on Pixabay