Russell Brand got baptised in the Thames (No, really) and everybody made the same joke
Russell Brand has dabbled with spirituality in the past, in between spreading conspiracy theories about vaccines and baking biscuits decorated to look like his wife’s ‘vagina’. He probably meant ‘vulva’, but who knows – perhaps he’s just terrible at baking.
Indeed it is. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/qC7eVXv8s0
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) March 5, 2019
Almost eight months after a joint Channel 4 and The Times investigation led to the police investigating allegations of serious sexual assault against Brand by several women – which he completely denies – the comedian-turned-influencer has found Jesus, and – surprisingly – it doesn’t appear to have been in his mirror.
Russell Brand announces his baptism to be ‘reborn’ after sexual assault allegations https://t.co/lGS0LHaZXr
— Metro (@MetroUK) April 28, 2024
We’re in no place to judge his intentions of beliefs, but it’s fair to say that people were a little sceptical.
Lol @ Russell Brand going full-Christian as the logical next step in his anti-vaxx-because-accused-by-multiple-women-of-sexual-abuse journey. Flat Earth is the final boss of this shit and he's almost there…
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) April 29, 2024
Nobody finds Jesus in a more public and dramatic way than a man with a reputation to cleanse/court case to win. https://t.co/mYGhntfacN
— Dr. Ann Olivarius (@AnnOlivarius) April 29, 2024
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghosty Whost. https://t.co/KU8JvUlkgc
— The Jase (@jasemonkey) April 29, 2024
The news that he’d been baptised in the Thames added a whole new dimension, and you can probably guess what it was.
Russell Brand was baptised in the River Thames on Sunday as he seeks to embrace Christianity following allegations of rape, sexual assault and emotional abuse (1/5) https://t.co/pAeDZgrL96
— The Times and The Sunday Times (@thetimes) April 29, 2024
1.
Sewage spills etc do our own jokes https://t.co/PpVSCj6pMY
— Al Murray – DKMS.ORG.UK (@almurray) April 29, 2024
2.
largest turd yet spotted in Thames pic.twitter.com/wKbk1nkxyw
— Toby Earle Threads tobyontv (@TobyonTV) April 30, 2024
3.
Where's @Feargal_Sharkey when you need to keep pieces of shit out of our rivers?https://t.co/fSz3toSsCB
— Russ Jones (@RussInCheshire) April 29, 2024
4.
I see the water companies are continuing to pump raw sewage into our waterways. pic.twitter.com/3fbCuJqB7r
— HENRY MORRIS (@mrhenrymorris) April 30, 2024
5.
Hope he received his vaccines before his baptism.
— Steve James (@stevejamesi3o) April 29, 2024
6.
One of them is full of shit, the other is the River Thames. 2k RTs & 10K likes. https://t.co/F1zpDGrD13
— Matt R (@j_razor101) April 29, 2024
7.
"Russell Brand was baptised in the River Thames on Sunday" Evidence that the Thames is clean enough? Or has it now become sh……well, you can guess where that line is going, yes? https://t.co/LgUXnkpxtq
— Tim Worstall (@worstall) April 30, 2024
8.
Do we not have enough shit in the Thames already? pic.twitter.com/gWFMxp2rZS
— Iratus Ursus Major (@i_iratus) April 30, 2024
9.
Breaking: Russell Brand hospitalised with cholera pic.twitter.com/u1UTDLVQAl
— Manic Kieth Preachers KC (@wrb91) April 30, 2024
There was one vaguely positive message. Or it could have been sarcasm.
Let’s hope his Jesus saves him from all the diseases and dysentery bobbing about in there, after bathing in that.
Russell Brand baptised in Thameshttps://t.co/aFOyIMd6P5
— Bradley Secker (@bradleysecker) April 30, 2024
To sum up …
Dear Jesus (literally)…….https://t.co/cGs55Ynu7m
— John O’Brennan (@JohnOBrennan2) April 29, 2024
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