British Catholics ask visiting Pope to ‘look less obviously evil’

As the first Papal visit to Britain since 1982 draws ever closer, concerned British Catholics have respectfully asked the Pope to, “look less obviously evil.”

“We are in no way suggesting that our Holy Father is actually evil and we are not asking him to not look evil. As practising Catholics, we do not have unrealistic expectations. We know he’s just a man with a very evil-looking face, there’s nothing anybody can do about that. However, even if it’s just for the duration of his visit to the UK, we would like it if he could look less obviously evil.”

When Vatican aides passed the request on to Pope Benedict XVI, he tried to take the personal criticism stoically but it was obvious to everyone present that he looked “visibly hurt and obviously evil” by the suggestion that he looked obviously evil.

The webmaster for the Catholic online store http://www.papalvisitstore.com/ refused to comment on reports that the Papal Visit Souvenir Keyrings bearing the face of the Pope had been photo-shopped to “miraculously” reduce the obviousness of the evil.

Hoping to draw a line under the whole debacle, Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols, who oversees the Papal Visit Team, stormed, “This kind of superficial obsession with how obviously evil the Pope looks represents everything morally bankrupt about the modern world. It is obvious to anyone with an ounce of faith that God made the Pope look so obviously evil to test our faith and my only hope is that the behaviour of these British Catholics has made every single Catholic on the planet feel deeply ashamed, relentlessly guilty and perhaps a little dirty.”

Pope Benedict XVI will visit England and Scotland from 16-19 September 2010

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