Stress levels in Red Arrows ‘unacceptable’

UK News: They swoop, they soar, they plume coloured smoke above the earth, yet reports of crippling stress levels within the world’s most famous aerial display team were writ large yesterday as Squadron Leader Colin ‘Gripper’ Sharpington made his frustrations known in the skies above Lanarkshire’s annual county fair.

While announcements rang out for the winner of the Junior Pig Handling Competition, gasps went up from the crowd as Sharpington fashioned history’s largest lavatory wall doodle – without breaking formation.

“It was like nothing I’ve ever seen,” said Holly Michaels, mother of two. “Just as he was curving off the balls it looked like he was flagging – but then there he was, back in line quicker than a fox on your kids.”

Lauded wherever they fly, touring the country and delighting the public and foreigners alike, even the Red Arrows have not been not immune to recent budget cuts.

“They’re working us too hard and for much less pay,” claims one pilot who asked not to be named.

“We do six, seven, sometimes eight air shows a day, flying straight from one to the next. No time for a break. Not even to do your business – and flying at 800 miles an hour with one hand while you’re trying to fit the little captain into an empty bottle of Teachers is no fun, I can tell you.”

It remains unclear as to whether Squadron Leader Sharpington will face disciplinary action, but RAF spokesman Flight Lieutenant Anthony Grantham said today that there was ‘no excuse’ for what had happened, despite admitting that stress levels within the display team were ‘unacceptable.’

“The RAF takes the mental well-being of its pilots extremely seriously,” he added, “and so we are announcing two new measures which are specifically designed to reduce stress. Firstly, the Red Arrows frequent flyers points scheme will be extended to include Radox. Secondly – no pets in the cockpit. Not any more.”