Twitter p.245

15 Things You Hear In A Taxi And Also During Sex (NSFW)

A professor set students’ papers on fire trying to microwave away the coronavirus

It was handbags at 10 paces for Lord Sugar and Piers Morgan over the UK coronavirus response

The Who shelved their tour due to virus fears and people are talking ’bout their cancellation

Simply 13 coronavirus jokes to help take the edge off

A coronavirus conference was cancelled due to coronavirus and the jokes wrote themselves – 9 favourites

Vanity Fair had the perfect response after Donald Trump trolled it as ‘third rate’

Tom Hanks has got coronavirus and the entire internet is sending him their love – 13 favourite responses

Want to watch Sarah Palin rap Baby Got Back? Neither did we – but we can’t stop

Dominic Raab was coughing into his hand in the Commons – the only 5 sick burns you need to read

Chris Grayling is to lead the Intelligence Committee – this is not a drill

Favourite 15 things people said about chancellor Rishi Sunak’s first budget

When is a dog not a dog? When WeRateDogs™ says so

More people are having to self-isolate – our 14 favourite reactions

11 biting responses to the Guardian’s question about free school meals