Simply 88 funny tweets from 2018
The year has felt like it’s lasted at least 27 months, so now it’s almost over, we’ve pulled together a collection of jokes, burns and zingers that made us laugh and nod along the most in 2018. See if your favourites are in here – or if you are. Most of all, just relax for a few minutes and enjoy the list.
1.
https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/1008480423486410753
2.
https://twitter.com/mutablejoe/status/1017345790895886337
3.
When the boss needs someone to work the weekend pic.twitter.com/6IYgTJQR2l
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) June 24, 2018
4.
#IMPOTUS pic.twitter.com/l0VSpUz6m3
— Minnie Driver TICKLESS WONDER (@driverminnie) June 22, 2018
5.
Whenever I get blue I just remember that life could be worse: I could be dating someone who makes me film them lifting weights at the gym for social media
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) July 16, 2018
6.
https://twitter.com/kidd_kong78/status/1018904702690480128
7.
https://twitter.com/tdawks/status/1016622244490039296
8.
There was a man vaping so hard in the shop doorway just now that when I walked in I found myself saying 'Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to buy a pint of milk!'.
— cluedont (@cluedont) July 10, 2018
9.
https://twitter.com/WeeMissBea/status/1016961686811668480
10.
https://twitter.com/phranqueigh/status/1010213324603224064
11.
https://twitter.com/BlairAlzuro/status/1006922912262230016
12.
Your dinner lady name is:
your dads first name
& your dads last name
Because your dads a dinner lady
— Flanny. (@FlannyTweets) July 10, 2018
13.
https://twitter.com/petercrouch/status/1021114153103065088
14.
https://twitter.com/GaryDelaney/status/1022427237147140097
15.
https://twitter.com/AnnieMcTweet/status/1022445694869811200
16.
London, here, reminding me that I can’t even afford to die. pic.twitter.com/UW1clDmEOD
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) July 29, 2018
17.
Journalism secret: each half of a New York Times headline is written by two guys, but neither is allowed to see what the other one has written pic.twitter.com/qD811ddhKb
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) July 31, 2018
18.
Love Enya pic.twitter.com/XJfmm4TdfC
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 1, 2018
19.
https://twitter.com/amateuradam/status/1026595382543958016
20.
https://twitter.com/Liffonmelsmork/status/1018433687162183680
21.
That awkward moment when you can relate to a vending machine. pic.twitter.com/VocHS9UR4e
— Michael D. A. Clarke (@MichaelDAClarke) August 6, 2018
22.
Genie: You have two wishes left
Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead
Penie: And your final wish?
Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead
Penis:
Ms: Nics
— wilson (@MediumWilly) August 7, 2018
23.
https://twitter.com/ryliecomrie_/status/1026613880569516032
24.
Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
— LEGO Joseph Smith (@Mormonger) March 18, 2018
25.
I love the smell of chlorof
— Neil (@_Enanem_) August 9, 2018
26.
https://twitter.com/AllenCMarshall/status/1028478909682204673
27.
https://twitter.com/meagantrott/status/1028435884914270208
28.
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/1028331261968842752
29.
Weird direction to take with the sequel and Bullock is almost unrecognisable but love this series pic.twitter.com/royASIwhdy
— Chris PG ▶️ papaglitch.bsky.social (@_Papaglitch_) August 7, 2018
30.
Turns out Game of Thrones next series is filming in the carpark of the Junction Tavern. pic.twitter.com/UCkSbhKuix
— Ryan Sampson (@MrRyanSampson) August 14, 2018
31.
Give a man a fish… Just give him the fish, asshole. He’s hungry, you’ve got an extra fish. Hand it over, fuckface. He doesn’t have time to go to your shitty “fishing school.” I’m gonna count to 3.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 14, 2018
32.
My money is on the live wolves. pic.twitter.com/ViSw73tpvD
— Gareth Penrose (@garethpenrose) August 11, 2018
33.
*me when I don't bring my phone to the toilet*
Let's see what this shampoo bottle has to say about itself.
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyosexwhale) August 15, 2018
34.
https://twitter.com/craiguito/status/1033290849105391617
35.
https://twitter.com/DeborahJaneOrr/status/1034084426366562304
36.
Some swimming pools these days have a chemical that turns the water brown if you shit in it.
— Glenn Moore (Insta: @glennrogermoore) (@TheNewsAtGlenn) August 28, 2018
37.
https://twitter.com/DevilleSy/status/1034029626153156608
38.
https://twitter.com/lostboy/status/980645641482366976
39.
“Ed, you shouldn’t get tattoos – think about what they’ll look like when you’re an old man”
True. I often find myself looking at a pensioner and thinking OH WHAT LOVELY SKIN
— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) August 29, 2018
40.
FAMILY WHATSAPP GOSSIP, one of my sisters announces she is trying acupuncture to help getting pregnant, other sister replies "gonna need a bigger prick!" Mum immediately follows with "see, comedy isn't hard Sara."
— Sara Pascoe (@sarapascoe) August 30, 2018
41.
The Picture Of Dorian Gravytrain pic.twitter.com/o8KPHrnRDk
— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) August 29, 2018
42.
https://twitter.com/SamWhyte/status/1035232171328528384
43.
Worried that I may be seeing a hypnotherapist and don't know it.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) September 10, 2018
44.
https://twitter.com/fishbowel/status/1038660110480855042