‘What’s the most aggressively British thing you’ve ever witnessed?’ – 19 fearsome displays of politeness and eccentricity

British people are famous for being both polite and mild, and a little bit eccentric. But sometimes we’re so courteous to each other that it turns into a battle. And sometimes we’re so eccentric that it becomes offensive.

Over on the AskUK subreddit Grindveil posed this question:

‘What’s the most aggressively British thing you’ve ever witnessed?’

And they started off with an example all their own.

‘Last week I was in Tesco and watched two people approach a door from opposite sides at the same time. Neither of them opened it. They just stood there doing that little dance where you both gesture for the other person to go first.

‘This went on for a solid 15 seconds until a third person walked past both of them and just opened the door without looking at either of them. The two of them then both apologised to each other AND to the guy who walked through. Nobody said thank you. Everyone looked defeated.’

And this type of extreme graciousness is not uncommon, as the replies showed…

1.

‘My primary school teacher, who I stayed in touch with, was in the Hatfield rail crash in the year 2000. After the crash she was flung across the carriage and lost consciousness when the train derailed.

‘When she came to she was lying on top of a man who was vaguely stirring. On assessing her injuries her first words were apparently: “I’m terribly sorry, I appear to be bleeding on you.”’
–Agreeable_Archer_210

2.

‘I was on a bus once where the bus driver was being a bit of a knob. Nothing specific really, just tutting a lot and being short with everyone who got on.

‘We reached the main stop in town and everyone seemed to have a moment of telepathic agreement that none of us were going to say thank you to him when we got off. I’ll be honest, I nearly broke when it was my turn, but I stood firm and walked past him in silence. I didn’t even give him a wee head nod.’
–J8766557

3.

‘So ten years ago… Pregnant, needing a seat on a packed bus with two men either side of the aisle offered me a seat, staring at each other. Me, I had to decide whose seat to take, then sat in one. I then felt embarrassed for the rest of the journey in case I had offended the rejected person’s offering…’
–Wide-Sail3061

4.

‘My friend was offered cocaine once on the way home after a night out. She told him “No thank you, I’ll just have some toast when I get in”. This was over 20 years ago and still makes me chuckle.’
–NoSir7320

5.

‘Today I mentioned to someone that the plush keychain on her backpack was brushing along the ground (this is a good way to ruin a plushy). “Sorry!” she said.’
–Most_Kiwi3141

6.

‘Chap in top hat and tails, riding a penny farthing past a craft beer pub. It was a slight improvement on the naked bike ride that had gone past me the previous day.’
–Dartzap

7.

‘About to go up Snowdon with my lads one November morning, got passed on the ways to the pig trail by a group of lads wearing walking boots, top hats and boxer shorts. I didn’t see them coming back down, so they may still be there.’

8.

‘Bloke in a tracksuit, walking his dog, while riding a unicycle. Me and the other person at the bus stop, just looked at each other as if to say, wtf did I just witness.’
–Lisylou21

9.

‘I did not witness this, but its so aggressively English it deserves to be repeated as often as possible. From a British Airway pilot who flew through volcanic ash cloud. Got the engines restarted, landed safely. BA flight 9 in 1982:

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.”‘
–No-Piglet-4735

10.

‘A cheeky old lady picked up the last pack of strawberries in Asda and winked at me and tapped her back pocket.’
–Agitated-Honeydew-41

11.

‘A friend in a pub had his foot stepped and he apologised… then the stepper aggressively apologised for actually stepping on his foot.

“Sorry.”

“NO, I’M SORRY!”‘
–gogoluke

12.

‘Neighbour at my previous house was an obnoxious wanker – loud music all day long, aggressive DIY all night long, throwing shit in other people’s gardens, abusive and cruel to his pets, wife and child. Everyone talked about him, everyone hated him.

‘After three years of trying with various authorities, I finally strong-arm someone from the council into listening to my complaints – they go around the other neighbours, asking if obnoxious wanker was an obnoxious wanker.

‘Unanimously: “No, we’ve never had any problems! We don’t hear anything!”

‘Council guy goes away thinking that I’m a loon, and the neighbours go back to talking about how wankery and obnoxious the obnoxious wanker is.’
–WaspsForDinner