The 25 best jokes of the week
13.
My cats, between 2am and 6am. Every. Fucking. Night. pic.twitter.com/6ybxNz20xi
— David★Jack (@DamJef) February 26, 2019
14.
CORRECTION: Moments ago we tweeted that it was our desire to blot out the sun and eat your children. This was from a out of date marketing brief which no longer represents who we are as a company. The current correct message is: Buy Flowers.
— Arena Flowers (@ArenaFlowers) February 26, 2019
15.
Received an email from Radio 2 pic.twitter.com/tRP3FwUSIa
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 26, 2019
16.
https://twitter.com/RuthePhoenix/status/1101064939417096192
17.
Will I understand Error 404 if I haven’t seen the first 403 errors?
— dugglebutt (@dugglebutt) February 25, 2019
18.
Say what you like about Liverpool, it gives good toilet graffiti. pic.twitter.com/rfbBiY6JAm
— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) February 27, 2019
19.
Fresh Postman droppings: it's so rare to see them in the wild these days. pic.twitter.com/ZRmUSxoP50
— Geraint (@geraintgriffith) February 27, 2019
20.
Exclusive footage of the end of the Trump Kim summit. Didn’t quite go to plan. #hanoi #trump #KimJong pic.twitter.com/eXtyN9Rlwc
— Adil Ray OBE (@adilray) February 28, 2019
21.
Yes sex is good but have you ever spent the morning thinking up a vaguely plausible excuse for cancelling on someone only to have them cancel on you seconds before you were going to send the email
— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) February 28, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/dumbbeezie/status/1100947449210843136
23.
24.
Can anyone show me how to arrange a bunch of flowers?
It’s on my bouquet list
— vivienne clore (@Vivienneclore) February 28, 2019
25.
Bully, to me: you’re such a loser
My Sister: you have no idea what you’re talking about
Bully: what do you mean?!
My Sister: *pulling up an excruciatingly detailed PowerPoint of my embarrassments* this is why she’s a loser
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) February 27, 2019