25 of the funniest things from this week
13.
A prayer before entering IKEA
Lord grant me the focus to buy what I need.
The will power to leave behind what I don’t.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
— The Mom Who Knew Too Much (@Gilapfeffer) January 6, 2020
14.
Really love those cute signs that say “this kitchen is for dancing”. Anyone know where I can find a “this kitchen is for arguing” one?
— Kiri Pr'chard-McLean (@kiripritchardmc) January 8, 2020
15.
How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 1
d) 2
e) 2
f) 2— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) January 9, 2020
16.
Him: Why do you still wear those pregnancy pants? We’re done having kids and they don’t even fit you.
Me (passing down homemade baggies of popcorn, mini waters, chocolate bars and candy to everyone in the family before the movie starts): Are you serious right now?
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) January 9, 2020
17.
I want to delete my Facebook but I also need to know when my parents’ birthdays are
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) January 9, 2020
18.
It's really weird that we always pronounce it as though they're preachers from Manic Street, and not as though they're street preachers who are manic
— Steven Chicken (@StevenChicken) January 9, 2020
19.
WIFE: [handing me baby name book] I've got big news
ME: Does this mean?
WIFE: Yes!
ME: You're finally picking a real name instead of "wife"?— mo (@chuuew) January 9, 2020
20.
Wait until the "steak bake must contain steak" brigade find out about spotted dick.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) January 4, 2020
21.
Doctor: The bad news is you'll be in that for a few weeks. The good news is they caught the guy who hit you and now he's in jail.
Soccer player: *waltzing out of his full body cast* Ok then I'm fine
— Jeb (@LlamaInaTux) January 7, 2020
22.
ariel: i am the princess of a giant underwater kingdom. i am very rich and live in a cool palace
flounder: [nods] isn’t it great
ariel: no flounder, you idiot. humans have forks. so much fucken better
— nicky the friendly shark (@mostlysharks) January 7, 2020
23.
I’m never asking a man to buy me tampons again pic.twitter.com/wQ27YsB2iK
— Bratatouille (@stephermer) 5 January 2020
24.
[doing mad lib]
me: a romantic place
the b-52s: shack
me: uh. let’s come back to that one. something that rocks
the b-52s: lobster
me: guys
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) January 5, 2020
25.
i was prepared for brexit, i am prepared for war with iran, i am not ready to be told the best film of the year has adam sandler in it
— joe (@mutablejoe) January 10, 2020
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Our 25 favourite funny things for this week
Source Twitter Image New Statesman