25 of the funniest things from this week
13.
I'm worried that I haven't really got impostor syndrome.
— David Quantick (@quantick) January 29, 2020
14.
Every day across the river, we see the Muppets, planning, preparing.
I was but a child when they took Manhattan. Brooklyn is next.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 27, 2020
15.
me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles
dracula: venn
me: probably tomorrow
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) January 27, 2020
16.
Did you want the seat with the giant saw or the one infested with snakes pic.twitter.com/0ipySA8zGm
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 29, 2020
17.
Oh wow little boy on the bus I didn’t realise I’d signed up to the “all the fucking nursery rhymes that exist” playlist this morning
— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) January 29, 2020
18.
Doctor: how many times a week do you exercise
Me: does taking the stairs instead of the elevator count?
Doctor: sure
Me: okay, then *counting on fingers* never
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) January 29, 2020
19.
Some bits of Leviticus were clearly formulated with a specific person in mind. "This shouldn't need saying, but since Jack's here – don't shag your auntie". pic.twitter.com/3TbkV1Yzz3
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) January 29, 2020
20.
This sounds like something someone who employs seagulls would say. pic.twitter.com/yXFqiVZi3M
— Charlotte (@RoylePin) January 29, 2020
21.
social media jobs be like:
Do you know your TikTok from your Facebook? have you ever heard of or seen "a computer"?
Then you just might be perfect for our SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR job, running every online element of our business
£13k, Slough
— large goulcher the size of a small goulcher (@goulcher) January 29, 2020
22.
Just heard a loud explosion from the fridge. Turns out I had a bag of salad leaves that had gone past its 'best before' date, and the rocket had gone off.
— T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) January 27, 2020
23.
A sourdough starter is a tamagotchi for people in their 30s
— Louise O'Connor (@oconnola) January 29, 2020
24.
You're a fucking liar Carol. pic.twitter.com/skkiveM2JH
— Jon (@giftedrascal) January 31, 2020
25.
teacher: “your mom is here you have a doctor appointment”
middle school me: pic.twitter.com/FK9RMMPXGn
— ¿alex? (@hoemoticon) January 30, 2020
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