25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week
13.
Jacob Rees-Mogg's Coronavirus advice in full:
-keep opium in your snuffbox
-always have a leech handy
-take 60 drops of laudanum before vespers
-medicated vapours on the morrow after the sabbath
-cocaine and bed— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 2, 2020
14.
Danny Dyer's birthday party pic.twitter.com/SPFj7WbEnu
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) March 2, 2020
15.
When I tap on the dashboard please carry out an emergency stop. pic.twitter.com/iOi31vIpAW
— Paul (@bingowings14) March 2, 2020
16.
Instagram added a feature called “Stop snooping Jane”
OMG… WHO ARE YOU??!?
— Jane Manchun Wong (@wongmjane) March 3, 2020
17.
It has been brought to my attention that someone already made a six hour and sixteen minute YouTube video “reviewing” how bad last night’s Doctor Who was. Pondering how much money I could raise for charity if I livestream me watching it and shouting “Parklife!” after every line
— Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) March 2, 2020
18.
Without school swimming lessons, I wouldn't be where I am today. By the river, wearing pyjamas, about to save a drowning brick
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) March 4, 2020
19.
Options when not thanked for opening the door for someone:
1. Mutter “You’re welcome”
2. Shout “YOU’RE WELCOME”
3. Say “Don’t mention it”
4. Say nothing, but menacingly
5. Follow them with your eyes until they disappear from view
6. Remain at the door in furious silence for days— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) March 3, 2020
20.
I've decided that when I die, I'm donating my body to the humanities. Go nuts you weirdos.
— Jeremy R. Grossman (@Jer_Baron) March 3, 2020
21.
— Mark Byrne (@markyb_88) March 4, 2020
22.
if you are haunted by spirits, specters or other malign presences, remember the old wisdom:
-Avoid areas where old timey music is mysteriously playing
-Ignore the sound of giggling children
-Don't do that thing with the medicine cabinet where you shut it and they're in the mirror— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) March 6, 2020
23.
BEATLES: Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,
I think you'll understandME: Go on
BEATLES: When I'll say that something,
I wanna hold your handME: *hoses them down with antibacterial gel*
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 5, 2020
24.
I HAVE JUST REALISED IT’S NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN NOT KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN. IT’S ABOUT BEDSHEETS / SEX NOT DANDY MOUNTED SOLDIERS.
— Gabby Best (@best_gabby) March 4, 2020
25.
I’m going to tell my future kids that this was the Kray twins pic.twitter.com/wxSle8ZGCq
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) February 29, 2020
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Simply 25 things that made us laugh this week
Source Twitter Image @ryancordell @yingone on Unsplash