Rees-Mogg’s back-to-work scheme went sideways when an MP showed Covid symptoms – 11 sick burns

Oonagh Keating. Updated June 4th, 2020

After a shambolic and potentially dangerous – from a coronavirus point of view – physically present vote, the House of Commons had its first day under Jacob Rees-Mogg’s new social-distancing measures on Wednesday.

It wasn’t a huge success.

Business Secretary Alok Sharma wiped his face several times with a handkerchief and appeared to struggle as he spoke about the Corporate Insolvency and Governance Bill in the Commons pic.twitter.com/ysQ5RPF9lR

— George Ryan 🏳️‍🌈 (@GeorgeMRyan) June 3, 2020

Femi reminded us all of the guidance.

Government guidelines:
▪️ Don't touch your face.
▪️ If you have Coronavirus symptoms, Stay home.
▪️ If it is possible to work from home (as your 649 colleagues have done for weeks) do not go to work.

Alok Sharma (now being tested): Hold my tissues!pic.twitter.com/Vu4orZ3uUM

— Femi (@Femi_Sorry) June 3, 2020

The minister in question was tested for coronavirus and sent home to self-isolate.

Alok Sharma has now been tested and sent home after spreading his germs all around The Commons.
Good job we don't have a world beating track and trace system in place or we'd be ordering every MP to self isolate. pic.twitter.com/pJNv8drinL

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) June 3, 2020

It’s the sort of situation for which the word “omnishambles” was invented.

These were our favourite of the many scathing responses.

When Alok Sharma next does the briefing, I must ask him to remind everyone not to touch their faces and to get tested immediately if they develop symptoms such as a high temperature.#DailyBriefing pic.twitter.com/PaWFAX4TE2

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) June 3, 2020

The absolute morons have put themselves in the position where they can now either isolate most of parliament or else give the message to the public that that rule too was bollocks.

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 3, 2020

Let’s put Jacob in charge.
What could possibly go wrong? https://t.co/1pJfaZ44rf

— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) June 3, 2020

And there was me thinking Jacob Rees-Mogg preferred to kill people by biting into their carotid artery. https://t.co/ZQ8dCy5HeV

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) June 3, 2020

Jacob Rees-Morgue

— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) June 3, 2020

I hope Alok Sharma makes a full and swift recovery.

I hope @Jacob_Rees_Mogg makes a full and swift apology. https://t.co/rthirocRCy

— Peter Kyle MP (@peterkyle) June 3, 2020

Alok Sharma hitting the 'sweat pishing out of you like a broken drain pipe as you shed like a hot golden retriever' stage of the Rona-gyp there. https://t.co/dHqpR8VLKp

— Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) June 3, 2020

In the wake of Alok Sharma catching COVID-19 Jacob Rees-Mogg must take the only sensible course of action and self-isolate for 14 years. pic.twitter.com/lFqdaWcKzS

— Count Binface (@CountBinface) June 3, 2020

Now be fair, Alok Sharma didn't catch COVID-19 from queuing to vote yesterday. He'll have been developing it for a week or two if he actually has got it.
We probably can't say the same for whoever he was standing next to in the queue though. So there's that.

— Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) June 3, 2020

10.

If Alok Sharma tests positive for coronavirus, the MPs shouldn't worry – I hear our contact tracing system is the best in the world.

— the palpitations (@ThePalpitations) June 3, 2020

11.

Jacob Rees Mogg is taken ill after sitting too close to Alok Sharma and is forced to lay down in a medical coma and a near paralised state, reports are in,that he also soiled his pants pic.twitter.com/bMpn5BS4ui

— Mr Eton Oldboys MP (@EtonOldBoys) June 4, 2020

Here’s a little reminder of the scenes on the stairs as MPs waited almost an hour to vote on Tuesday.

More pics of the logjam earlier when MPs pouring down Portcullis House escalators crashed into the back of the voting queue & could neither go forward or back. Rees Mogg passed during this crush & I told him he was a disgrace. #covid19UK pic.twitter.com/lPxz7rx8YJ

— Ben Bradshaw (@BenPBradshaw) June 2, 2020

It’s okay, though, because it probably wasn’t a virtual Petri dish of virulence at all.

via Gfycat

Finally, comedy writer and author, James Felton, pitied the poor sap of a contact tracer who’s been sitting around watching Netflix all geared up for their first proper Track and Trace job.

Imagine being one of the horrendously undertrained track and trace employees, picking up the phone, nervously asking who they've seen in the last few days and the guy just says "parliament"

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 3, 2020

Source George Ryan Image George Ryan