The Allister Heath headline generator is so convincing, it’s almost as unhinged as the real thing – 23 absurdly Heathian favourites
In a newpaper renowned for right-wing opinion pieces so unhinged that they come across as parody, Allister Heath has somehow managed to carve out a reputation for being particularly over the top.
His opinion pieces sit squarely in the once-seen-never-forgotten category, with nuggets like these making it clear how he earned his reputation.
Ah, the good old remainer mind virus that definitely exists and isn’t just a sad Maga ripoff.
It’s no surprise, then, that Heath’s hyperbole has inspired the New World – formerly the New European – to create an Allister Heath headline generator. The magazine’s creative director, Martin Nicholls, shared it on Bluesky.
In honour of the Sunday Telegraph's editor and offical maddest columnist, we have created the Allister Heath headline generator…
stirring-fox-7e1fab.netlify.app— Martin Nicholls (@martinnicholls.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 10:46 AM
It caught the attention of LBC’s James O’Brien, who has featured Heath’s work in his Unhinged Headline shout-outs from time to time.
All Hail, the patron saint of ‘Unhinged Headlines’ received g the respect he deserves.
— James O’Brien (@mrjamesob.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 11:48 AM
The generator was an instant hit, with people creating some headlines so utterly Heath-coded that we half suspected they might just be chucking real ones into the mix.
These were our favourites.
1.
— John Bull (@garius.bsky.social) February 27, 2026 at 8:01 AM
2.
— Irritated Llama (@irritatedllama.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 12:20 PM
3.
Love it.
— Adrian Allen (@nornirnlib.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 1:09 PM
4.
Blimey. When the pisstake throws out the truth…
— Sarah Murphy (@13sarahmurphy.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 1:41 PM
5.
— Jules Rowe (@jcrowecwll.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 7:57 PM
6.
The gift that keeps giving.
— AWoodall (@mrspungoe.bsky.social) February 27, 2026 at 9:09 AM
7.
Excellent!
— datestamp.bsky.social (@datestamp.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 1:45 PM
8.
— Chris Hudson (@chrishudson.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 11:43 AM
9.
— famouskopites.bsky.social (@famouskopites.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 9:50 PM
10.
My personal favourite
— Mike Ainsworth (@softmachine1970.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 1:41 PM
11.
This is an extremely fun way to kill a few minutes on a by-election day: generate your own Allister Heath headlines. Here's mine.
— James Ball (@jamesrball.com) February 26, 2026 at 11:27 AM
12.
Brilliant 👏 👏 🤣
— Cat Herder (@lenoresimson.bsky.social) February 26, 2026 at 12:04 PM