‘What’s the funniest blunt remark you ever got from someone who didn’t mean any malice?’ – 24 drops of the purest cringe

There are some people who were born without the ability to use tact – or even to recognise that tact is needed in a certain situation. We all have that elderly relative who’ll blurt out “Are you wearing that shirt for your date, or do you have one that fits?” You know the type.

Over on r/AskUK, soraal posted –

“What’s the funniest blunt remark or question you ever got from someone who didn’t mean any malice (might be cultural, etc)?”

They added ‘A friend told me that when she went to her usual holiday spot, one of the staff members recognized her and said “You got so fat, just like me!!!”’

Mortiphying! There were – as you can imagine – hundreds of examples. These were the top replies.

1.

“No honestly, even YOU would notice that she’s not a very clever person”. I said what do you mean, “even I” and they went bright red.
Direct-instance-8655

2.

While having a breast exam with a male doctor because of a lump he said, “Well at your age it is quite common for breasts to look a bit moth eaten” The look the nurse gave him behind his back was a sight to behold.
HerNibs1980

3.

I’d made a present for a friend of mine. It was delicate and a LOT of hours work had gone into it.

Took it to the post office to ship to my friend and the woman at the counter asked how much it was worth.

I fumbled and said it was hard because it was something I had made and she goes

“So, no value”

My boyfriend and I were pissing ourselves and she looked utterly mortified once she realised what she’d said.
pm_me_your_amphibian

4.

When we moved over to France a few years back, we were being given the tour of the local village primary by the headteacher, a lovely woman who speaks good english. We were chatting about how tall both of our kids were already, even at a young age, and she said “but of course they would be, you are a huge woman”. I know she meant tall, but …well…. cheers love.
thatcambridgebird

5.

My sister was told, “you look just like Princess Anne…. She’s ugly isn’t she”.
middle-middle2017

6.

“You really have the potential to be a nice person”.
grimaces

7.

Was buying alcohol on the self check out and the 18 year old on the tills walked over and said ‘got any ID?’ As I turned to look at him he goes ‘oh doesn’t matter.
Gisschace

8.

I was working behind the bar, and one of my closest friends was on a barstool just to the left of me. In front of me was a very pretty girl who was hitting on me (no, not for free drinks). When she went off to the loo, he turned to me and hit me with one of the worst backhanded compliments of my life, meant positively: “see, you’re a fantastic example of how much women value intelligence and a sense of humour over looks”.
DRRudeBoy

9.

I’d gone through a dating dry spell so was chatting with family members and said I was thinking of trying (the then very popular) Speed Dating

Without missing a beat my dad looked up, very concerned, and said “but what if nobody chooses you?”

Cheers dad. I’ll just take my hideous self off and sit in a cave.
DustInTheMachine

10.

Had a Christmas jumper on and someone asked it it was padded.

Still raging at this.
Rossco1874

11.

“You’d look good if you dressed more like a girl”

I worked in a warehouse, I’m not going to wear my LBD for that.
Mk3toni

12.

I was on a date at the cinema with my girlfriend. She turned to me and said: “You’re really good looking in the dark.”

We’ve been married 20 years. Thanks largely to living in a deep, deep cave.
Disco-doctor