News

Man is recognised by the woman he’s trying to rob and it’s the best court report ever

Oonagh Keating. Updated October 1st, 2018

Not that I’ve given it any thought, but if I were planning a robbery, I would:

a. Rob somewhere in an area I didn’t live in, and

b. Not choose a business in which staff and customers may have known me all my life.

These two fundamental mistakes led to the most incompetent attempt to commit armed robbery, followed by the most absurd staged alibi we’ve ever heard of. The court report details the whole farce – with quotes straight from the sitcom we didn’t realise we needed.

Here is Independent.ie‘s astonishing account.

It started off with a quite terrifying event, which must have been awful for those present.

The court heard that Halpin entered the beauty salon Urban Dolls in Corduff Shopping Centre while wearing latex gloves and armed with a kitchen knife. He grabbed the owner Sarah White by the neck and put a knife to her back before walking her towards the till.

It then descended into the surreal.

Halpin was wearing a scarf over his face but a customer, Emma Kelly, recognised him. She lived in the area and had known Halpin all her life.

Halpin ordered Ms White to open the till but Ms Kelly closed it and said “What the fuck are you at Gerard?” She told Ms White not to give him any money but Halpin raised the knife above his head and said “back off Emma.”

Ms Kelly then picked up a Yankee candle from a display case and smashed it over Halpin’s head.

Even his escape was in the realms of the absurd.

Halpin fled with Ms Kelly close behind shouting his name. She followed him as he cycled to his father’s home a few hundred yards from the salon.

Ms Kelly saw Halpin in the bedroom window changing his clothes. She knocked on the door and Halpin answered. He was sweating, breathing heavily and had changed his clothes. He claimed he had just been in the kitchen having a cup of tea.

Journalist Darren Cleary shared a screenshot of the court report on Twitter.

The replies added to the comedic potential.

The reporter who had written the account, Conor Gallagher, felt that it wasn’t the best court report he’d ever seen, and shared his preferred contender.

Let’s hope he decided to come clean.

H/T Darren Cleary