Latest YouGov poll: “It’s the hope that kills you”

One of the numerous polling companies that no-one really believes anymore has found a nation struggling under the weight of the hope that something, anything, might actually change for the better as a result of Thursday’s election.

The poll found that people who take part in this sort of survey aren’t really representative of the population as a whole.

It said the public, particularly frequent users of social media, should “not be too optimistic” about what the polling companies are slowly convincing them could be a failure by the Tories to secure a majority, and so a hung parliament.

A spokesperson for no-one in particular said: “By issuing findings through vague platitudes rather than dubious statistics, we hope we are preparing the so-called liberal elite for a Tory victory come 10pm Thursday, thus softening the almost literal punch in the gut they will all feel when the exit poll is issued.”