A neuroscientist unpicked whether men need their own tissues – and it’s not to be sneezed at
You may have noticed there was a bit of a furore recently, when tissue manufacturer Kleenex announced they would be dropping the description ‘mansize’ from their larger product and replacing it with ‘extra-large’, to reflect the fact that tissues aren’t gender specific.
Our UK Kleenex team recently made the decision to rename the Kleenex Mansize tissues in the UK to Kleenex® Extra Large. We applaud the change!
— Kleenex® Brand (@Kleenex) October 19, 2018
Apparently, this was one of several messages that prompted the change.
https://twitter.com/LisaMHancox/status/1049986428107726848
Some people were miffed – to put it mildly.
https://twitter.com/RamboFYI/status/1053577568992006144
But neuroscientist, author and stand-up comedian, Dean Burnett, laid it all out in plain English for us in a very funny blog post on Cosmic Shambles.
Tissue of Lies: were Kleenex right to drop the ‘Mansize’ label? https://t.co/zP8bamW9Ry
Proper scientific analysis here. Sort of. Had way more fun writing this than is reasonable, in any case.
— Dean Burnett (@garwboy) October 19, 2018
This is how he saw it.
Do men actually need their own dedicated tissues? Let’s see what the science says.
Kleenex tissues recently rebranded their ‘mansize’ tissues as ‘extra large’ after complaints that the original label was was sexist. This led to much outrage from men online, because of course it did.
As ever, because it’s 2018, something pretty much inconsequential has been treated in some quarters as a prelude to the annihilation of all men because it looks like it inconveniences them in some way. If the lighting’s bad. And you squint a bit.
Increasingly-outdated rabble-rouser Richard Littlejohn even wrote a column in the Mail about how Waitrose are going to introduce Trans-size tissues. Or something. Go Google it if you want to read it; I’m not linking to it here because, quite frankly, fuck that guy.
But has anyone actually looked at the facts of the situation? Do men actually need different tissues? Was Kleenex’s decision to introduce a product aimed at men a rational one, outside of commercial concerns? Because if it wasn’t, then it’s perfectly sensible to drop it.
So, scientifically speaking, excepting specific medical requirements, what (if any) reasons are there for ‘mansize’ tissues?
He took a careful look at the different components of the tissue issue, beginning with the actual word.
Are they actually ‘man’ sized?
If you want to be 100% literal about it, then ‘mansize’ should mean ‘the size of a man’. And the tissues aren’t. Even if you interpret man-sized purely in terms of length, then the tissues definitely are not 175.3 cm/5ft 9in long. No tissues are. What would be the benefit of such an item? How often do you end up looking after an Orca with a head cold?
Ergo, the ‘mansize’ label is misleading from the off. Some might even say false advertising, but then luckily nobody’s been THAT pedantic yet.
Apart from me, as I just demonstrated. Admittedly this has been a bugbear of mine ever since I bought a ‘king size’ chocolate bar. Our smallest king was, I think, Henry VI, who ascended to the throne of England when just 9 months old. But surely even a 15th century 9-month-old masses considerably more than even the biggest Snickers? Words mean things!
Then, there was whether or not the sex of the consumer had any bearing on their tissue needs …