25 of this week’s greatest jokes
13.
Jacob Marley: Tonight you will be visited by 2 ghosts.
Trump: I thought it was 3.
Jacob Marley: LOL no you have no future.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 13, 2018
14.
*god creating a peacock*
"hand me a chicken"
"ok"
"hand me an umbrella"
"what"
"bring me whatever colours you can find"
"are you ok"
"fancy dancing chicken"
"sir"
"IT IS CALLED THE FANCY DANCING CHICKEN"— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) December 9, 2018
15.
Date: What do you do?
Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food— Jon (@ArfMeasures) December 13, 2018
16.
https://twitter.com/debecca/status/1072816700276568066
17.
Has anyone tried turning Parliament off & then on again?
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) December 12, 2018
18.
When my girlfriend makes me angry, I look at her through the fork and pretend she's in jail. It heals me spiritually
— TheSonOfPetrosOUTNOW! (@Chase_Sithole) December 11, 2018
19.
My favourite thing about the school nativity is the need for everyone to have a part.
INNKEEPER: There’s no room at the inn.
DEPUTY INNKEEPER: Yes that’s right.
DEPUTY INNKEEPER’S ASST: He is correct please go.
INNKEEPER’S MASSEUSE: Yes go.
INNKEEPER’S SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER: Yes.— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) December 12, 2018
20.
ITV Christmas ident pic.twitter.com/k71LVTW8yt
— Cold War Steve (@coldwarsteve) December 11, 2018
21.
Electronics manufacturing giant, Siemens, used to have a regional office in Staines. Think about that for a second…
— Ian Power (@IHPower) December 13, 2018
22.
OK everyone, we can all go home now. Brexit symbolism has been perfected. https://t.co/24lxp37gcc
— Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) December 13, 2018
23.
https://twitter.com/robbiereviews/status/1072921172684218370
24.
A short guide to percentages from Jacob Rees Mogg:
63% “a terrible result for the prime minister she must resign”
52% “a resounding victory hard brexit now”
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 12, 2018
25.
https://twitter.com/Cinesnark/status/1073032438522241024
Let us know if you spotted one that we missed.