The 25 best jokes of the week

In case you missed it, the past week saw Olivia Colman winning an Oscar, Theresa May amusing us all with her meerkat impression and Facebook banning Tommy Robinson, so you’re probably already smiling, but you should still check out these excellent tweets.

1.

Watched the flat earth documentary on Netflix. I have one question, when you go off one edge of the world do you immediately appear on the opposite side like in Pac-Man?

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 25, 2019

2.

“We should meet up for lunch sometime” – Translation: Just say yes and walk away, fingers crossed we won’t meet again

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 24, 2019

3.

“I’ll murder you on the dance floor…”

– Sophie Ellis Bastard

— Tilly Girl (@tillygirl3) February 23, 2019

4.

Me: it’s not illegal

Cop, staring at my trunk filled with creamy peanut butter: It’s just… SO. MUCH.

Me: but it’s not illegal

Cop: no, no it’s not

— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) February 26, 2019

5.

I can't help feeling like maybe the BBC PR team haven't quite thought this through pic.twitter.com/TH2fDnSDa6

— Jess Brammar (@jessbrammar) February 25, 2019

6.

Hackers need to step the fuck up and delete everyone’s loans and mortgages

— lals (@Alanascottish) February 24, 2019

7.
https://twitter.com/Flailmorpho_/status/1100177284005122048

8.

It’s a strong indicator of the influx of hipster vegans into the Newcastle area when you hear the PETA patter of the Tyne effete.

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 26, 2019

9.

I'm not impressed when a young person is skinny.
I'm impressed when a 50 year old is skinny.
Motherfucker ate 18,000 dinners and burnt it off.
That's impressive to me.

— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) February 26, 2019

10.

Buying a moisturiser.
1. Stare at the range of moisturisers.
2. Feel overwhelmed
3. Google ‘best moisturiser’
4. Realise that was unhelpful and there’s a moisturiser that costs a grand.
5. Walk away.
6. Google ‘does Paul Rudd moisturise?’
7. Wonder if he’d help me pick one.

— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) February 25, 2019

11.

Doctor: You have 6 months to live

Me: omg what can I do?

Doctor: Oh lots of things

Me: Phew

Doctor: but only for 6 months

— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 25, 2019

12.
https://twitter.com/connorhannigan4/status/1100200447435001856