We asked you what you’d do with Piers Morgan if you owned him – 17 of the best suggestions
We know we use the word “owned” a lot, like how Nigel Farage says “17.4 million” a lot, but we have an excuse. A certain kind of person in the public eye, mostly the ones who think they’re political experts of some sort, has a habit of setting themselves up to be taken down with words – and we just pass the information on to you.
After a recent public owning of Piers Morgan, we considered the other meaning of the word.
Imagine if you did actually "own" Piers Morgan. What would you do with him?
— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 4, 2019
As ever, you lovely lot came through with some fantastic ideas, and these were some of our favourites.
Some of you wanted to put him to good use
1.
Our new toilet brush. https://t.co/Bf4FSPs07R
— The Kwisatz Hackenbush (@DocHackenbush) April 4, 2019
2.
Upcycle into an occasional table, although that would mean increasing his IQ by a considerable margin.
— Dartacus (@dartacus) April 4, 2019
3.
Force him into an actual job like driving the 108 from Lewisham to Stratford.
— Max Calò (@max_calo) April 5, 2019
4.
Have him carry me around in a papoose
— Jay Tuvz (@JayTuvz) April 4, 2019
Some wanted to punish him.
5.
Force him to go to every single household in the country and just say "sorry" then move on to the next one.
No other conversations allowed. Just a head bowed "sorry"— New Job Ahoy (@nobbysoldboots) April 4, 2019
6.
Wrap him up in pastry, sell him at Greggs
— Mozzle (@IanMorr48131580) April 4, 2019
7.
Keep him locked in a room with pic.twitter.com/glFbhlQAt3
— Josh Worthington (@jaggybunnet) April 4, 2019
8.
I’d make him read @GaryLineker’s takedowns of him for the rest of eternity. Clockwork Orange style.
— Matthew Clapson (@Clapson88) April 4, 2019
9.
Install a robot right arm so that he punches himself in the plums everytime he says some reactionary nonsense.
— Steve (@stephen365) April 4, 2019
You even had ideas for making a few quid.
10.
Have I still got the receipt?
— Mr Meerkat (@NyeSpy) April 4, 2019
11.
Try to palm him off at a car boot sale, probably.
— Henry (@henweb) April 4, 2019
12.
Sell him. Immediately & to the first bidder.
— Neil Waghorn (@CorticalContent) April 4, 2019
A couple of you thought there might be a better Piers – eventually.
13.
Freeze him until science finds a cure?
— MsDmEimear (@MsDEimear) April 4, 2019
14.
Flick the switch pic.twitter.com/NmCUjsQqHV
— Nick Chainey (@NLFG) April 4, 2019
You also simply wanted him gone.
15.
Set him free. If he came back lock the door.
— Remoaner Lisa (@Lisamboo) April 4, 2019
16.
Straight in the sea
— Matt Hannigan-Train (@MatthewHTrain) April 4, 2019
And then there was this …
17.
Ask Lord Sugar pic.twitter.com/nNs73flKdc
— HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) April 4, 2019
One Twitter user had a particularly apt use for the former editor of the Mirror.
Hack his phone.
— Little Britain First (@LittleBritFirst) April 4, 2019
That would really hack him off.