The 25 funniest jokes of the week
13.
Twitter pretends like it’s hard to get rid of James Woods, but it’s not. Look how easy it was for Hollywood to do it.
— Adam Best (@adamcbest) May 4, 2019
14.
I went to a birthday party and overheard a couple apologizing for leaving early because their infant could only handle people and noise for a limited amount of time and honestly I’ve never related to anyone more than that baby
— Carly Danger (@carlyken) May 6, 2019
15.
Shitehawks pic.twitter.com/B6qqQhSuEr
— McFadden's Cold War (@Coldwar_Steve) May 5, 2019
16.
coworker: do you have a girlfriend?
me: no
coworker: a boyfriend?
me: I don’t have any kind of friend
coworker: oh
me: netflix won't even let me watch friends
— Elvish You 3000 (@_elvishpresley_) May 6, 2019
17.
My wife had a scare when she came home & found me displaying all the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning.
Luckily it turns out those are also the symptoms of being a fat, lazy middle-aged man who's eaten a roast.— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) May 5, 2019
18.
I’ve got to be honest, I did not see this ending for Game Of Thrones coming. pic.twitter.com/q6hcPVT5ei
— Jacqui Abbott (@jamajestical) May 7, 2019
19.
Sharon, I think the puppy’s got a puncture. pic.twitter.com/uOMMQkXRPx
— Paul (@bingowings14) May 6, 2019
20.
If you drink bleach you never need to clean your toilet.
— H Anthony Hildebrand (@hahildebrand) May 8, 2019
21.
I cannot apologise enough for this. Please block me for my own sake. pic.twitter.com/2VgF5kXPlx
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) May 9, 2019
22.
I wonder who they got to play Pliers? pic.twitter.com/ewAkR7GVWd
— Neil (@_Enanem_) May 9, 2019
23.
*slams plate on the table* “BRING ME THE CHILD!” pic.twitter.com/rWLvM8eyBc
— Cheish (@TheCheish) May 8, 2019
24.
Turkmenistan: To really like Turkish Men.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) May 9, 2019
25.
Nursery rhymes are always like "one two three, I touch the tree" and then you find out it's about The Great Corn Famine Of 1614 That Killed All The Babies or some shit.
— Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) May 8, 2019