‘What’s the daftest way you’ve heard someone tell on themselves?’ – 22 people who accidentally said the quiet part out loud

Have you ever been in conversation with someone when they give you far too much information without being asked, or pose a question that screams ‘I am guilty of this exact thing!’?

AskUK subreddit user Korovyev__ has, and posted about their experience (which is a tad NSFW in more ways than one)…

What’s the daftest way you’ve heard someone tell on themselves?

At college way back in the late 90s, one of my fellow apprentices said to the group, apropos of nothing, ‘Ooh, imagine if you got caught wanking at work’, an obvious admission that he, well, wanked at work.

Can any of you listeners match/beat that?

And lots of people could, as the replies showed. Check out these cringeworthy tales…

1.

‘I work in a factory that makes beverage packaging. One of my colleagues was drinking one of said beverages in the canteen one day and noticed a pretty serious error on the packaging. He decided to complain to the company that made the beverage. The beverage company then investigated.

It turns out the packaging was not only made in our plant but by his shift on a day he was working on the final inspection station, making him responsible for checking for such errors. He got written up for a complaint he originally raised, we haven’t let him live it down since.’
–duzra

2.

‘That guy on Twitter who argued that women didn’t like sex because no woman he has ever slept with has enjoyed it…’
–stumblingthrough1ife

3.

‘Used to know two brothers when I was little called Damien and Sid. One time Sid wrote on the wall in their sitting room in marker “Damien wrote this not me”.’
–StuChenko

4.

‘Might not count because it happened at school, but the girl was definitely a bit of a div anyway.

She’d forgotten to do her homework, so quickly scribbled a note ‘from her mum’ saying sorry Vicky hasn’t got her homework with her, she left it at home.

The teacher asked when her mum wrote the note and she said it was before she left for school in the morning. When the teacher asked why her mum didn’t just hand her the homework instead of writing a note I could see the little cogs going.’
–showquotedtext

5.

‘A friend at school let off a stink bomb. The teacher asked him if it was him (he was a shit), he said no. Then she said “Where did you get it from?”. He responded “I’m not gonna tell you that”.’
–Dizzy-Ad-3073

6.

‘Saw a video yesterday of a woman who called the police on a man who had stole the drugs she was trying to sell him.’
–Dazz316

7.

‘The ex-tenant of my granny flat called the police to complain I was harassing her, by asking her not to smoke weed or take any illegal substances on the premises.

Apparently she ranted for quite a while complaining that just because drugs were illegal, didn’t mean I could interfere with her right to use them. Cop had to point out that it was his job to interfere with her using them…’
–DameKumquat

8.

‘We had a guy at work who was nights team leader in the warehouse. They had a problem with the high racking so he stood on the forklift and got someone to send him right to the top.

Obviously a massive health and safety risk. But it happened on the Nightshift. The only people who knew about it was him and the guy who sent him up… And the CCTV. The chances of the CCTV being reviewed was next to none. It’s never checked back, only if an issue is reported.

The team leader got worried about getting into trouble so he called up high management and told them what happened. He was immediately suspended and sacked. If he didn’t say anything, no one would have been aware.’
–Big_Cheese16

9.

‘Had a few students do this. One boy started to cough on the Wednesday and on the Thursday started to play it up like he was unwell and might not be in on the Friday. Which no one suspecting anything sinister. Until the Friday night and we saw him on TV at a big event in the audience.

Another student – in Year 10 – wasn’t in school for the whole week and the phone call in was that she had the flu. It was flu season so we didn’t think anything of it. When she returned she had her hair half braided and one of those cotton thread wraps in. She also had a very visible tan and had bought in gifts (like shell necklaces) for her friends. Her face when I asked her where she had been away on holiday was a picture.’
–chroniccomplexcase

10.

‘Your man that was in the car when Tupac was shot, wrote a book about it and is now on trial 30 years later.’
–primozdunbar

11.

‘Calling someone out for doing drugs on their free time, then that someone replied saying “you sell them to me”. Management fired the dealer and the user.’
–GingerrJinx