These 16 funny Christmas card captions are definitely not by Hallmark (NSFW)
9. “He’s showing his arse again, Geoffrey. Don’t give him the satisfaction of reacting.”
10. After the 700th complaint about Santa’s “Feel my sack” jokes, HR decided baskets might be safer.
11. On Boxing Day, the stockings would be donated to Aunt Mabel to accommodate her varicose veins.
12. While Lucinda distracted the kindly old elf, her accomplices plundered his sack for anything that could be sold on Ebay for crack money.
13. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. Be afraid …be very afraid.
14. Prince Andrew soon found a role to fill up his extra time.
15. “In spite of having severe arthritis, lung disease from years of pipe smoking and work-related type 2 diabetes, Mr. Claus, aged 1,748, was declared fit for work and refused PIP.”
16. Although hurtling down a hill with bunches of holly was a really bad idea, it paled into insignificance next to the absence of brakes.
Christmas bonus:
The wise men no longer needed to follow the star once they came within earshot of the screaming woman and the man yelling “PUSH!”
