Somebody asked call centre workers about the weirdest things they’d heard while on hold – 23 people who forgot someone was listening in

There’s nothing worse than being put on hold, is here? Sitting there for minutes or, if you’re really unlucky, hours with nothing to entertain you but some annoying muzak.

Well, it actually does get worse, because it turns out that sometimes the people who have put you on hold can hear you, even if you can’t hear them.

They’ve been chatting about this worrying development on the AskUK subreddit, after user asterallt bought it up…

‘Call centre workers of the UK – what’s the weirdest stuff you’ve heard from a caller when they’re on hold?’

And they had a little bit of extra context just in case you wondered what made them ask.

‘I recently found out that call handlers can hear what a caller is saying when you’re on hold. This sent me into spirals of despair wondering what I’ve said while on hold. Probably only ‘Can someone PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD let the Ocado man in, I’m on hold with Sky’.

‘But surely there must be some gems that you can share with us.’

And there were some entertaining answers from the world of call centre workers, like these…

1.

‘My husband works in a call centre, he was on the phone to a customer the other day who stopped mid-sentence to say ‘Sorry about this… NIGEL GET THE FUCK OFF THE COUNTER WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I TOLD YOU?? STOP IT NOW!… sorry that was my dog, do continue’.’
–AreaMiserable9187

2.

‘I put a customer on mute and I could hear a knocking noise, someone was at the door he opened it and loads of shouting and banging stuff, accusing him of shagging someone else’s wife then I heard him shout ‘GET THE FUCK OUT!’ And a ‘Shit! he’s got a knife!’

More banging and the door shut. He came back to the phone and said ‘Sorry if you heard all that, they got the wrong house.”
–dinkidoo7693

3.

‘A customer having a conversation with their parrot about its bad behaviour. Said parrot also screamed during the call as it didn’t like them being on the phone.’
–the-bone-rat

4.

‘Worked for bank fraud. Often I’d tell the person calling to report fraud ‘Its going to go a bit quiet while I look into some background stuff’, then I’d just mute the call. A significant amount if people would chat to whom ever they were with and basically confess to committing the fraud.

Although the weirdest would be those that sat there for five minutes in complete silence. No moving, no real background noise such as fiddling with something or doing chores. just them sitting silently for five minutes.’
–Real-Butterscotch682

5.

‘I once asked the customer for his reference number (finance company) and he said ‘I can’t get that right now, I’m in the middle of a three acre field!’ And he had the most stereotypical West Country farmer accent as well, it was great.’
–LionLucy

6.

‘I once had a guy phoning from Niagara Falls. He wanted to return something. He was British. Calling a British company. To return something in Britain from his British address. I could hardly hear a word he said so I’m not sure why he waited until he was under a waterfall in Canada to try and do this. People are fucking weird man.’
–Fir_Chlis

7.

‘I had a guy answer a call that he himself had scheduled, then tell me I called at a very inconvenient time because he was on a roof. How do you even respond to that?

My brother also had someone completely flip out because she answered his call at a wake. Like… don’t answer the phone at a wake?’
–Outraged_Chihuahua

8.

‘I’ve had an ominous ‘I’m actually staring at a dead body just now, can I call back’.’
–A1BS

9.

‘During a call my caller suddenly yelled “‘Shut up cat!’ Which made me giggle. But typing it all these years later I’m now wondering if he was just telling Katherine to be quiet.’
–dobsterfunk

10.

‘I used to sing along to the hold music and had one agent come back on laughing because she knew I didn’t realise she could hear me. You bet I own that shit. Still do it to this day.’
–Princes_Slayer

11.

‘Utility Warehouse used to have a banging playlist for hold music. Poor Brian who answered the phone while I was belting out Toto’s Africa.’
–ComfySlipper

12.

‘Me: Answers phone.

Caller: 30 seconds of silence followed by the sound of a toilet flush.

Then… ‘Ah sorry about that, just taking a shit whilst I was waiting.”
–Cheezelover99