The mistress speaks: ‘His massive ears made me wet’
Celebrity News: The prominent political journalist, who cannot be named due to a Court injunction order, has broken her silence in the wake of Andrew Marr’s admission of infidelity today, revealing some of the saucier secrets of her affair with the BBC presenter.
“Now that Andrew has admitted he put a gag on me, I think it’s time you all knew some of his other bedroom antics – and there’s one in particular he might not be so keen to blab about,” she said.
Marr’s most impressive carnal innovation is, apparently, a movement he makes with his ears while performing oral sex.
“It’s his party trick. He does this really quite incredible thing with them when he’s – you know – ‘down there’. They make a kind of circular motion against the thighs, like a really sensitive, sensual massage.”
“That, plus the fact that on the days when he doesn’t look like a haunted ventriloquist’s dummy he looks like the love child of my two favourite fictional characters, Gollom and Herr Flick off ‘Allo ‘Allo – well, that just made our encounters all the more sexually satisfying.”
A DNA test has since proved he isn’t related to either character.
“I couldn’t believe it when I saw that silhouette of him in the newspapers – his journalist pals were obviously covering for him. They cropped off his ears and let me tell you, they are, without doubt, his most interesting feature.”