Joan Collins to remake ‘The Bitch’

Movie News: Joan Collins is rolling back the years – and bedsheets – as she prepares to star in the remake of her 1979 softcore smash ‘The Bitch’.

With the screenplay by sister Jackie revised to accommodate the 77 year-old, the new plot has less ‘strenuous’ sex scenes – though insiders say it still manages to remain true to the spirit of original version.

Instead of owning a disco, fighting the mafia single-handedly and sleeping with hundreds of men, this 2011 re-make will see Fontaine Khaled (Collins) managing a care home, raging war against local council red-tape bureaucracy and using her crinkled body to get exactly what she wants.

Describing herself as “the ultimate cougar”, Collins says she feels the time is “ripe for a comeback.”

“Look at ‘The Expendables’. If it’s good enough for old slopey-face Stallone and those guys, it’s good enough for me.”

“I am very excited to be working with a new cast of younger actors and can’t wait to really get to grips with them. I’m particularly pleased about the new bedroom scenes. The beds themselves will be very comfortable and the director assures me that afterwards I’ll be able to have a nice little nap.”