London venue infamous for excessive drink and drug use to be closed permanently

A famous London venue that has been linked to heavy alcohol and drug use is to be closed permanently, over health fears for the people who attend it.

The venue – known affectionately as ‘Parliament’ by regular goers – sees up to 650 people attending various events, many of whom enjoy excessive amounts of subsided alcohol sold in the Palace of Westminster’s eight bars.

A recent undercover police investigation into Parliament revealed that many inside the venue were seen displaying unusual behaviour, such as “sweating, glazed red eyes and staring into space.” Traces of cocaine were also found in a number of toilets in the Palace, which was famously closed in 1834 after a fire that resulted in nine people being so seriously injured they required hospitalisation.

“This building is at the heart of British politics,” said one stunned Parliament-goer, who vowed to start an online petition against Westminster City Council’s decision.

“If a venue like this is closed, where will the next generation of politicians go to start illegal wars and pass bills that fuck over large parts of the UK’s population? It’s madness.”