Simply 40 funny one-liners by 40 very funny women
21.
Can someone go back in time and make sure Donald Trump gets into art school?
— Sofie Hagen (@SofieHagen) November 9, 2016
22.
— Beth Evans (@bethevansart) February 13, 2017
23.
why do baby’s clothes need pockets? what do they carry around? baby wallets? fuck off
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) May 26, 2014
24.
often think about this moment from my parents wedding video where the cameraman just zoomed in on a plate of ham pic.twitter.com/ariepazNFN
— Sophie Gadd (@sophie_gadd) January 25, 2016
25.
Overheard a woman telling another woman “It’s $150 and she supplies all the turtles” and whatever it is, I’m in.
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) February 19, 2016
26.
— Diane Morgan (@missdianemorgan) June 27, 2014
27.
— Sarah Andersen (@SarahCAndersen) December 21, 2016
28.
— Jessie Cave (@jessiecave) September 10, 2016
29.
Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) June 10, 2014
30.
if you only see one film this year PLEASE TAKE ME i am so alone lol
— lolly (@lollyadefope) November 6, 2014
31.
If I had a pound for every time we left the EU, I’d have 89p.
— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) June 24, 2016
32.
Queen looks like she’s been doctored in Microsoft Paint. pic.twitter.com/v6K7bb3dbE
— Suze Azzopardi (@TheAzzo) June 11, 2016
33.
Donald Trump is what happens when you tell a child all his ideas are special.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) August 7, 2015
34.
INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically?
ME:
IN: Is this an ability you have always had?
ME:
IN: Please say something.— The Lady of Whatever (@Bexdora) February 7, 2016
35.
I could have sworn I had some Supernoodles in here. pic.twitter.com/RtHV1cOT4w
— Oonagh (@Okeating) March 3, 2016
36.
I see Prince George is still being dressed like the ghost of a boy who died in the Blitz.
— scriblit (@Scriblit) June 6, 2015
37.
Nobody loves Friday as much as a 40- something woman posting minion memes about wine
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) September 16, 2016
38.
is there any difference now between reading the news and screaming
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 21, 2016
39.
A duck is just a floating kazoo.
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 15, 2016
40.
The volume of your motorcycle won’t bring your ex-wife back.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) February 24, 2016