People have been sharing the best lies they’ve ever told and – no lie – they’re awesome
A chap called Seamus It Ever Was on Twitter – you remember, this guy – had a lie to get off his chest and asked other people if they fancied sharing the best untruths they had ever told.
In my 20s I told dozens of people that Michael Schumacher's fave song was Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, cos he thought it was about fast cars. Literally every single person I told belived me.
I hereby declare a LIE AMNESTY- gimme the best lie you've heard/told/been telling for yrs.
— The author, Séamas O'Reilly (@shockproofbeats) June 6, 2018
And fortunately for us people had plenty to share. Here are our favourite 32 (yep, they are that good).
1.
My then gf asked why Sheffield Wednesday were called that. Impulsively, I said Sheffield was such a football town it boasted a team for each day of the week. Over time, the other six merged into Sheffield United, leaving only this one. She believed me. & rightly never forgave me.
— (((David Bennun))) (@DavidBennun) June 6, 2018
2.
I don’t know how long he kept it up for but a friend of mine convinced a kid at his school that Fabrizio Ravanelli was Welsh and his surname was pronounced “Rava-nethli”.
— Tom Wiggins (@WiggoWiggo) June 6, 2018
3.
My brother was born on our national holiday. For the first 5 years of his life he was told all the fireworks and celebrations were just because he was born. Blew his mind when he found out the truth
— Nick Wells (@nickwellsy) June 6, 2018
4.
Me and my friend Neil told two Greek girls we met at a party in about 1991 that we were Amish on our year off and claimed not to have ever seen TV etc so they explained a lot of modernity patiently to us. Once we’d started there was no way out. It was very stressful.
— Alan Hay (@alanhay68) June 6, 2018
5.
A female friend told me years ago that a smear test was done by getting a lady to sit on a pane of glass and the doctor then pulls her along it by the ankles. I’m ashamed to say it was only in recent times that my wife, through fits of laughter, told me this wasn’t true.
— Barry McGowan Art (@artbaz101) June 6, 2018
6.
Came home drunk from pub on sat night once with early edition of Sunday paper then convinced my little bro that it was Sunday night and he had to go to school the next day he looked confused used the paper as proof sure enough next day he got dressed and headed off to school
— Simon (@SimmoCummo) June 6, 2018
7.
On a trip to Edinburgh with the wife, I pointed to the castle and told her that Sean Connery lives there. Forgot to tell her otherwise until she brought it up at the end of trip dinner with some actual Edinburgians.
— ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@chiefcrewboss) June 6, 2018
8.
I frequently tell people that peanut butter was originally made of almonds, and is actually named after its creator, Paul Nutbutter.
— vints vorn (@headbandmike) June 6, 2018
9.
The best one I heard was on the Football 365 forum – some guy thought for years that he’d been on a cruise to New York as a kid. Turned out that his dad had taken him on the Mersey Ferry to Liverpool but his old man had kept up the lie for years.
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) June 6, 2018
10.
In the early 2000s I ripped a copy of an Air album onto my gf’s computer for her. Being the olden days I had to fill in the track’s titles myself so I made them up using my very limited French. For years she thought ‘Je m’appelle Air’ and ‘Baguette Funk’ were genuine song names.
— Damhán (@DavMcLaughlin) June 6, 2018
11.
When I was about 11/12 my dad told me tv commentators had to call Arsenal ‘Bumnal’ before a 9pm watershed
— Carole (@Cartruckandbus) June 6, 2018
12.
told my class I went to Jamaica during summer, they believed me so much i had to tell the whole school during assembly
— Lil Jumbo Hoorah (@Marvin100) June 6, 2018
13.
On Saturday 28/10/2017 I met some friends for a few pints but I didn’t want to make it a mad one, so I told them I was doing the Dublin Marathon the next day. The next morning I went down to watch it and Whatsapped them this picture with the caption “This is tough going!” pic.twitter.com/tpzvyyzHfP
— James Gaffney (@jamesgaffney) June 6, 2018
14.
I still tell people my dad doesn’t speak English and my mum doesn’t speak Spanish but it’s okay because they just *get* each other
— s t e p h (@corcra) June 6, 2018
15.
A friend told a group of Americans that in the UK your National Insurance number is actually your position in line to the throne.
— Leon Black (@DrLeonBlack) June 7, 2018
16.
I also told my husband that genuine human bones were called skeletons and that “skellington” was the correct, technical term for the plastic kind found in doctor’s surgeries etc
— stellachaplin (@stellachaplin) June 6, 2018