People shared experiences that made them die a little inside and these 23 are brilliantly excruciating
13.
I once chipped a bone in my ankle and each time the A&E doctor lifted my leg to look at it, I would let out a massive fart. This happened 3 times. On the 3rd time the Dr asked “Beans for lunch, sir?”
— Lee G (@LeeGathercole) June 29, 2018
14.
In basic training, everyone was getting a bit homesick, so got the photos of family out. I asked a mate who the bloke was in his photo…it was his mum.
— Phil Mc (@philmc82) June 29, 2018
15.
Last November I was exhibiting at a wedding fair with my husband @PhilipDignum. We were all setting up beforehand, when I noticed the room had gone quiet, so I shouted “BOO!!”. Someone turned to me and said: “We are doing the three minutes’ silence.”
— Toby McTobeface (@dignut) June 30, 2018
16.
I was holding my cat in my arms so the vet could give him an https://t.co/JleD3RSkV9 cat was struggling and frightened so I bent and kissed his head to comfort him, only it wasn’t his head, the vet had gripped his neck ready to inject and I kissed the back of the vet’s hand
— Linda D Giles (@henrybabes) June 29, 2018
17.
Alone in the house, knock at the door. Bloke stood there saying ‘Police, we are doing door to door looking for someone in the village, whilst passing me a card with photo on it. Sorry, not seen him before, says I. That’s me says he as he grabs his ID card back
— polly (@pollywobbles) June 30, 2018
18.
First proper job interview. Got asked ‘how’s your grammar?’ With a confused face, I answered ‘she’s fine’… Still got the job.
— Eliza Doodle (@IwasGobby) June 30, 2018
19.
Going down really steep curving stairs wearing only a dresing gown. Slipped. Thought I’d die. Grabbed bannisters as I fell and swung through living room door naked loosing enormous fart. Quite surprised brother in law sitting on the sofa. Gathered dressing gown and said hello.
— Carl Bennett (@TheAnalysisGuy) June 30, 2018
20.
After paying my window cleaner instead of saying “thanks goodbye” I said “thanks I love you”. 5 years later I still can’t look him in the eye!!!!!
— Emma (@WizzyWW) June 29, 2018
21.
https://twitter.com/moi_cheree/status/1013357893754720256
22.
A very attractive lady ambulance driverc started flirting with me when I was cycling and we stopped at the lights.
"Nice legs", she shouted.
Meaning to joke along the lines of the song, I accidentally said "shame about your face". https://t.co/edShgNqNog— Jon (@samuriinbred) June 30, 2018
23.
Valentines Day. I tell a woman at work my plans with the missus. She says she’s not doing anything. I say ‘tell the miserable get to take you out’. She reminds me he had died only weeks earlier. https://t.co/tKTaqIoY1F
— Ben Taylorson (@Ben_Taylorson) June 29, 2018
However bad they may be, the story behind this short thread sounds like a statement for the defence.
Took the children swimming on Friday. We were getting out of the pool when I found 10 with someone else's snorkel.
— DG (@LieutenantDon_) June 3, 2018
Me: that’s not your snorkel
10: it is
Me: no it isn’t
10: yes it isEtc etc. This went on for a good 20 seconds.
— DG (@LieutenantDon_) June 3, 2018
Anyway, turned out it WAS her snorkel. The child, however, was not mine.
And I had my glasses on. pic.twitter.com/H8cI09hZuM
— DG (@LieutenantDon_) June 3, 2018
