Robert Webb asked this and the replies hit a rich vein of humour
Peep Show’s Robert Webb is writing a book and asked people for advice to help him with his first sex scene.
https://twitter.com/arobertwebb/status/1024907366138105856
And he received no shortage of advice. Here are our favourites (occasionally NSFW but it’s literature so that makes it okay).
1.
How about ‘adequate’ instead?
— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) August 2, 2018
There goes the Booker.
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
I don’t want to use the phrase ‘bigging yourself up’.
— MꙬse Allain (@MooseAllain) August 2, 2018
2.
At best, in my experience, a cock could be described as ‘surprisingly attractive’.
— Emotional Support Ninja (@shit_ninja) August 2, 2018
Rob in fairness this would go into your sentence very well…
— Jon Dryden Taylor (@jondrytay) August 2, 2018
I would usually agree but context is all, darlings. She’s delirious with love and desire for her future dead husband. Yeah – quite a lot of context.
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
3.
IMHO, ‘gorgeous’ is defiantly unsexy…
— Lucy Mangan (@LucyMangan) August 2, 2018
Devilish? Mischievous? Charmingly lopsided? Urgent? Absurd but placatory? Willing? Massive? Poignantly importuning? Shyly unhooded? Like Brad Pitt’s, probably? Fun-sized? Puppyish? EU banana Proustian? Deafening? Quite black? Loomingly amiable? What, Lucy? What dude?
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
4.
Big tool. Keep it simple. Or big lad.
— Julia Raeside (@JNRaeside) August 2, 2018
Hahaha ‘the hard warmth of his big lad’ is AMAZING. Lawrentian.
— Jon Dryden Taylor (@jondrytay) August 2, 2018
Blimey, all of us grown up loving parody. David always said parody is cleverer – I sat next to him wondering about that. Fuck me, it’s certainly a lot more fun x
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
5.
It’s not yet eight in the morning, man! She should be wrapping her fingers around the hard warmth of a gorgeous coffee.
— Jon Dryden Taylor (@jondrytay) August 2, 2018
I write my best porn before 8am.
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
6.
Gorgeous = Costa
Behemoth= Booker— rufus jones (@rufusjones1) August 2, 2018
Excellent. I know my readers after all.
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
7.
what if, instead of a gorgeous cock, it was a big shark?
— Gary Whitta (@garywhitta) August 2, 2018
I mean not that but…
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) August 2, 2018
8.
Is this just after she bounced boobily into the bedroom?
— Ashley (@AshleyKearton) August 2, 2018
9.
This is risky material for an autobiography.
— Dave B H Barton (@dbhbarton) August 2, 2018
Here’s the great man again (and he’s referring to How Not To Be A Boy).
https://twitter.com/arobertwebb/status/1024966193818611712