People have been sharing the most ‘artfully constructed disses’ and you’ll never be short of an insult again
18.
I have always been a fan of the anonymous lady who described congress with Nicholas Soames as “like having a wardrobe fall on you with a key sticking out of the lock”.
— Joe McNally (@GaspardWinckler) August 13, 2018
19.
Out shopping with my sister, walking impatiently behind a slow mover, and under her breath she muttered, “dead if he had the wit to stiffen”
— Keith-TripleDeadHeat (@TripleDeadHeat) August 13, 2018
20.
‘She’s got a face that would turn a funeral up a side street.’
— Sarah Cumbersome (@loved_up_ferret) August 13, 2018
21.
I once heard a messy colleague referred to as “an unmade bed of a man”…
— Maria Williams (@MWilliamsJourno) August 13, 2018
22.
‘The kind of person who’d offer you crisps but squeeze the bag’.
— Jon Dryden Taylor (@jondrytay) August 13, 2018
23.
Could eat an apple though a letterbox with teeth like that.
— Peter Hunt (@tsdpete) August 13, 2018
24.
The only exercise he gets is pushing his luck and jumping to conclusions.
— ∞ Clear Autism ∞ (@ClearAutism) August 13, 2018
25.
Yesterday I heard bob mortimer describe a fella with a big head “a snipers dream”
— Mark (@nopedunno) August 13, 2018
26.
The Australian classic: when the Country Party changed its name to the National Party, in parliament leader Doug Anthony said in defence of the decision “I am a Country member,” to which soon-to-be Prime Minister Gough Whitlam replied “We remember!”
— Kay Orchison (@kayorchison) August 13, 2018
27.
NZ Prime Minister Piggy Muldoon once described the same Keating as “a shiver looking for a spine to run up”.
— Bill Hooker (@sennoma) August 14, 2018
28.
“He ates his dinner out of a drawer” is my favourite accusation of miserliness.
— Lisa Carey (@msleedy) August 13, 2018
29.
My gran’s favourite when describing someone she thought was too skinny was that she’d seen “more meat on a butcher’s pencil”.
— Al Kennedy (@housetoastonish) August 13, 2018
30.
My old school gave me a written reference for my first job that included the phrase “some people find her cooperative”, future employers thought that hilarious and I got the job. I wear it as a badge of pride to this day.
— Wendywisest #FBPE #FBR (@Wendywisest) August 13, 2018
31.
In Urdu there is the rhyming slang conjus/makichus meaning tight/fly-sucker to say someone was so tight they’d suck a fly that fell in their tea to ensure they didn’t lose any tea to it.
— Tania O’Donnell (@Tan_OD) August 13, 2018
32.
‘I bet she shows up to the office wearing runners with her hair still wet’ has stuck with me and I heard it four years ago
— Paulie Doyle (@BigPaulieDoyle) August 13, 2018
33.
Unless I misheard, I think I once heard Ricky Tomlinson say “He’d laugh to see a pudding crawl” meaning someone was mean spirited. To this day no idea what it’s about.
— Ralf Little (@RalfLittle) August 14, 2018
