This dad tweets about bringing up 4 kids and it brilliantly captures the awful joy of parenting
12.
Me: What do you want to do over summer break?
7-year-old: Nothing.
Me: You can't do nothing for three months.
7: Watch me.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 26, 2017
13.
3-year-old: *points to a map on the wall* What's that?
Me: It's where we live.
3: We don't live on the wall.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2017
14.
7-year-old: What are we having for dinner?
Me: The thing you always complain about.
7: Can you narrow it down?
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2017
15.
3-year-old: Our house isn't very fast.
Me: It's a house. It doesn't move at all.
3: We should get a faster one.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2016
16.
Wife: I have clothes for you to try on.
5-year-old: *flops on the floor*
Me: Grow up.
Wife: I have some for you, too.
Me: *also flops*
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2017
17.
Today my 7-year-old got ready ahead of schedule.
Just kidding.
She's still getting dressed for her first day of school two years ago.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2017
18.
Found this in my 2-year-old's bed.
Looks like someone made her an offer she couldn't refuse. pic.twitter.com/sBTyiIBB3v
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2017
19.
Kids: *joyful squeals at the crack of dawn*
Me: Be happy quieter.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2017
20.
2-year-old: I'm strong like a tiger.
Me: Use that strength to pick up your toys.
2: Tigers just eat.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2017
21.
My 1-year-old refused to let go of her cup so I could put on her shirt.
Today she'll be naked but well-hydrated.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2017
22.
Me: Magic isn't real.
5-year-old: I saw it in Harry Potter.
Me: Movies aren't real.
5: It's in the DVD player.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2017
23.
I took the day off work to hang out with my 5-year-old.
She just told me "I need some alone time" and turned on Netflix
I'm raising myself
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) April 7, 2016
And you can follow James on Twitter here.
