44 absolute crackers to get you into the festive spirit
23.
In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) December 20, 2018
24.
Me pretending to work on my last week in the office before Christmas pic.twitter.com/v0L9Y99cCT
— Mrs Phil Perry MBE (@MrsPhilPerry) December 19, 2018
25.
Just passed Chris Rea on the motorway. Wonder where he’s going ?
— Michael Starke (@MichaelStarke57) December 19, 2018
26.
How was town? Options:
– “Mayhem”
– “Chaos”
– “Absolute nightmare”
– “Heaving”
– “I got the last space”
– “Chock-a-block”
– “Rammed”
– “Queues out the door”
– “Hell”
– “I’m not going back”
– “You can tell it’s Christmas”
– “Carnage”
– “Wasn’t too bad actually”
– “Dead”— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 20, 2018
27.
Christmas crackers are great because I hate having to go to two separate shops to buy my giant paper clips and fortune-telling fish.
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) December 20, 2018
28.
A yule log channel only it’s this with Christmas carols playing over it pic.twitter.com/KHJG3kKNtD
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) December 20, 2018
29.
The thing is, Die Hard wasn’t a Christmas movie originally. The script was changed by Constantine in 336 to align it with the Sol Invictus festival.
— Matthew Black (@MatthwBlack) December 20, 2018
30.
He's making a list,
And checking it twice,
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is contravening GDPR.— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 21, 2018
31.
“Fucking leg it Trevor I’ve just nicked the last mince pie”
— Nik D (@nikidoog) December 18, 2018
32.
All I want for Christmas is for Apple to stop reminding me every morning that I haven’t backed up my iPhone since 2013.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 21, 2018
33.
Is it too late to send letters to Santa? I just found out there’s Game of Thrones socks.
— Justin Staggs (@Staggfilms) December 21, 2018
34.
Me: this is my room. Why am I crying?
Ghost of Christmas Future: mate what the fuck we’ve just jumped 12 years into the future and you still haven’t changed those bedsheets— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 21, 2018
35.
♬ He's boiling an egg ♬
♬ He's boiling it twice ♬
♬ He's boiled it again ♬
♬ He's losing his mind ♬
♬ Santa Claus is repeatedly boiling an egg ♬— Egular Frog (@FrogCroakley) December 20, 2018
36.
“Any questions?”
“In Muppets Christmas Carol why are Kermit and Piggys children pigs and frogs? Shouldn’t they be hideous hybrid mutant pigfrog creatures?”
“For the last time, questions about the meeting”— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 14, 2018
37.
When your house is full of food but your mum won’t let you eat any of it because ‘It’s for Christmas’. pic.twitter.com/gmSKX6jFhp
— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) December 19, 2018
38.
#AdventCalendar 20 Despite all her heavy-handed hints, Brother Alfred had bought her the WRONG BAG for Christmas and Queen Eleanor was not pleased. Not pleased at all. pic.twitter.com/2YvBcJP0cb
— VictoriaG (MPhil (failed)) (@ancientnmodern) December 20, 2018
39.
Still looking for that special Christmas gift but don’t want to spend a fortune?
Lidl are doing these edible back scratchers for 98p. pic.twitter.com/TkDg07aAcC
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) December 19, 2018
40.
Imagine living at No.5, and what a barrel of laughs it must be trying to book a cab near Christmas. pic.twitter.com/PVR1grkspb
— Jason (@NickMotown) December 3, 2018
41.
The words to The Little Drummer Boy make it sound like you don’t know the words to The Little Drummer Boy
— Cal Wilson (@calbo) December 18, 2018
42.
Festive Babybel – a reminder to us all that Christmas is about celebrating the little baby cheeses. pic.twitter.com/JH49Y5wScr
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 20, 2018
43.
#Christmas has me like… pic.twitter.com/FLyiHiXdiW
— Michael Clarke (@Mr_Mike_Clarke) December 19, 2018
44.
MARY: It was God who impregnated me
JOSEPH: Ok. I believe you
– The Naivety Play
— Marty awrence (@TeaAndCopy) December 14, 2018
Feeling Christmasy yet? Happy Christmas, if that’s your thing, or Happy Covering for Colleagues Who Celebrate Christmas Day, it it’s not.
