Our 25 favourite jokes of the week
14.
Breaking the ice at speed dating pic.twitter.com/Odm4jeE7Jy
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) March 4, 2018
15.
Was just humming a song from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse when a spider suddenly landed on me.
Which is cool, as I might now have superpowers to go with my soiled underwear.
— Craig Beadle (@CraigJBeadle) March 27, 2019
16.
https://twitter.com/usedwigs/status/1110733949377146881
17.
DOCTOR: It says here you took 3 years off to "soak in tub" ?
ME: (pleasantly) Yes, due to my agonies.— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) March 28, 2019
18.
https://twitter.com/IanHewett/status/1109618223157268480
19.
WAITER: Would you like a milkshake?
ME: No thanks. Dairy doesn’t agree with me
COW SITTING AT THE NEXT TABLE: That’s not true— Blake (@dksc4life) March 24, 2019
20.
An erotic short story in three acts pic.twitter.com/Qz1pIwV0AX
— James Kelleher (@etienneshrdlu) March 26, 2019
21.
THERAPIST: So what brings you in today?
ME: I have a fear of dolphins.
THERAPIST: I see.
ME: *Panicking* Did you say “ee”??
THERAPIST: I said “see.”
ME: *Panicking more* THAT’S WHERE THEY LIVE!
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 28, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/1111326606868598786
23.
Jesus: this is my body *breaks bread*
Jesus: this is my blood *pours wine*
Jesus: this your brain on drugs *throws a rabid weasel into the crowd*
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) March 26, 2019
24.
https://twitter.com/Luiseach/status/1111234895257501696
25.
https://twitter.com/anniemalistics/status/1111312197504901121